Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Live Feed and Update....

Wats happening ryt now...mmmmm....let's see.....
Its 3:53pm on d dot and I'm sure it'll b a lot of hours later b4 dis post gets finished, edited and published.

I'm at work rapidly typing on my fone and watching a movie 'Pompei' at d same time.. I don't even know y I'm still here..dis week shud be a half-day-week. 'My Neighbours 1 & 2' arnt around 2day so its just me enjoying d much needed me time. My 'Tiger of a boss' and her BFF (Best Friends Forever) left a couple of hours ago 4 a meeting..... hahahahahahaaaaaaa....yimu 2 the 2 of dem o jare....who are they decieving.....we all know dey went 4 a lil spot of celebration shopping and probably on their Couch ryt now watching Telemundo'or Enews with a glass of bubbly in hand *im so jealous ryt now'..

Sugar Daddy is in d process of pulling one of his sulking 'I will neva call u again and don't eva call me, infact I'm deleting ur number' stunts... *rolling my eyes. These old men sha....yawwwwwnnnnsss

Iv still not heard from Kunle...I recently went on facebook 2 search for his name in all forms.. sideways..upside down..crisscross.. however.....and came up with NOTHING...NADA!. I'll soon start taking up Karate and Tai chi classes in preparation 4 wen we finally meet again. Its going down..

A guy was arrested at work yesterday, hand cuffs and d lot... Something abt illegal activities or so.. I very much envied him. Know why here..

As per my weightloss in preparation 4 my wedding..well let's say it skipped my mind 2 buy a scale...*palms 4head*..shit!.....mayb in d newyear. See ehhh....I love Amala so much and I'm trying 2 substitute rice for it cos I was told d calory content is quite low..how true is dis?? For those that dont know wat Amala is... pele... ndo... u Ar on a long thing...make google you BFF. Something I can't resist is Chicken Republic's 'chicken wings'..weneva I buy its like 24 pieces..no kidding!!!.Dats abt N2k worth of wings I think.... I just sneak in2 my room, double-lock my door and munch d hell out of it.. .
Note: Dis is not an advert 4 Chicken Republic although i wudnt mind free chicken or wings... ..coughs....

Ken is doing 'first 2 call' all by himself....hahahahaha....he go wait tire.. he never start sef...I call him Joseph the dreamer.

P.S-- I always wondered if mothers get turned-on wen dey r breastfeeding their babies. Isn't it d same sensation u get wen ur man is sucking on your boobs??

P.P.S-- I love using d same spoon i use in spreading butter on my bread 2 stir my tea. U see the 'butter bits' floating in d tea. Tea tastes so yummmmmmm dis way ehhh chai.... Sum1 else must like dis ryt??... *looks around* someone
?.... anyone?.......cmooooooonnnnnnnn!!

*checks time*..... 17.41..on my way back from work..stuck in traffic... typical...

*checks time*.... 19.10...at home now and editing.....just going 2 re-read and then hit the publish botton...

So from 3.53pm till 19.10...dats over 3hrs just to write a post......of cos i did other things in btwn.... so hey....

Till my next post......

Monday, 29 December 2014

My 1st boyfriend..My 1st and last heartbreak.

Warning: This is an epistle and may contain explicit language. Reader's discretion advised. For people 80 & above. Thank you.

I neva dated in my Secondary School days, not even as much as a kiss..choi!. Its not like I was holy holy or none of dat, I was just somehow. See ehhh, I have dis bad habit of NOT talking 2 ppl for no apparent reason, esp guys. Come 2 think of it, I think it was just shyness. I wud always put on dis tough look and nobody wud eva guess wassup inside. I had a crush from SS1 till graduation and not a single soul knew abt it till date. (Story 4 another day).

Story story stoorrrryyyy..  
 I started Uni in September and by December all my friends had boyfriends except me. Just my strong face alone chased d guys away. I felt seriously left out. Wen it was time 2 club, everyone wud b coupled up and I'll b d single tag along..my life ehhh!. Anywayzz, by Feb d next year I met my 1st ever boyfriend. How did we meet??......*thinking*.....mmmmmmm....ohhhh okkkkkk... Now I remember. We met at a Halls of Residence party. A guy dat I was taller dan by like 2inches (story of my life) asked me 2 dance since I was sitting and sulking all by myself. I was a good dancer back in d day sha... Well.. Let's call him *Tunde. Tunde and I danced 4 a very long time and even wen I asked to take a break, he wud b by my side again within minutes. Dat was it oooooh. He neva officially asked me 2 b his girlfriend but dat was wat we became sha. I was so happy ehh, der was dis noticeable confidence in me and a spring 2 my step. He wud invite me 2 his place and he wud come 2 my Halls of Residence as well.
This was my 1st eva boyfriend at d age of 18 while Tunde was 25. So u can imagine d level of experience dis guy had. Tunde teased me a lot which I hated. He was neva affectionate like dat. 1st time we kissed was so embarrassing and d idiot laughed at me. *crying*..he wud tease me abt d way I kept my mouth and my kiss was like pecking his lips...wen I'm inexperienced nko?? Stupid boy!! I was so naive in dis relationship ehhhh, I was just a learner. It was as if I was thrown in2 a hippopotamus pit and asked 2 fight 4 my survival. Tunde wud invite me 2 his place and I wud sleepover with my jeans and jumper still on.
1st time he caressed my boobs ehhhh, I felt light.. (So dis was wat des babes r enjoying ehhh and iv bn jonzing)... but ofcos I pretended dat I didn't like it so he wudnt start pulling his clothes.
Tunde made 1 billion attempts 2 have sex with me but I refused. It wasnt like I was saving myself 4 marriage oooo, I just felt it wasn't d time 2 give up my virginity. One day, Tunde visited my place and immediately starting d usual kissing and pulling my clothes off. Then he pulled off all his own clothes and I saw a 'DICK' live 4 d 1st time..*shiverrrrrsssss*. Initially, wen I sleepover at his place and he gets a hard-on, he wud forcefully pull my palm and place it on his erection so I can feel wat I do 2 him, dat alone sent shivers down my spine. Back 2 my story.. Tunde was LARGE down der 4 a skinny guy.. my gaze was fixed on his thing for a few seconds and d smirk on his nonsense face showed he was enjoying suprising me..I was pleasantly surprised mehhhnnn!!!. Nothing sha happened after d stunt and he left angry.. *Phewwwww*.

Long story short..abt 9months in2 dis our dating, Tunde cudnt take it anymore and he started showing signs. One day a course mate of mine told me how Tunde had visited her house with his friend and had toasted her (my course mate). She told me cos some1 mentioned 2 her dat Tunde and I were dating. I confronted Tunde and he apologised. I accepted. Abt 11months into dis wonky relationship, Tunde decided 2 call it off. I felt my heart shatter. I wasn't expecting it. I guess my naïve self thot Tunde, a grown man wud b waiting 4 me till I feel like having sex. *yimu-est*. I had d most miserable existence from den on. I was ashamed of myself (don't ask me y). I wud call Tunde from morning till night begging him 2 come back dat I will do wateva he wanted. Tunde ignored me and I wud cry from morning till night. I felt like crawling in2 a cave and remaining der. Can u believe dis my yeye heartbreak lasted for abt 4 yrs? Yes 4 yrs!! I didn't date anyone else within dat period. Just d occasional hanging out.
Looking back now, I just feel like giving myself a knock on d head. I missed so many opportunities cos I was grieving 4 Tunde who was probably having 3somes and Orgies somewhere else. Its not like I was heartbroken cos Tunde was my 1st love, NOOOO! I wasn't even inlove with him. At that stage in my life I didnt know wat love was. I just sha wanted boyfriend like everyone else o jare. I wudnt exactly call it a heartbreak, I was scared of d failure and being alone. I was mostly scared dat I wud never ever find another boyfriend ever again..hahahahahahahahahahah. Can u imagine? *shaking my head for me* For some reason I felt Tunde was my last bustop. Na wa oooooo....

Wen I think of d days I wud call Tunde 2 beg him just 2 come and see me..I shudder! He 2 was feeling like one G..feeling like some1 dat was being begged. Mstchewwwww! Tunde really played with my young heart and showed me pepper. There was a time a guy in his clique asked me out and I refused just because I didn't want 2 upset Tunde whom I was hoping wud come knocking on my door professing his undying love but dat never happened.

I got over Tunde after I left Uni..so it was really d boredom and monotony of Uni dat didn't let me think with a clear mind. Those years were very dark years for me and after dat experience, I have neva allowed myself to be heart broken again. Infact I toyed with a lot of hearts just 2 show guys pepper and console myself. My heart is so strong now ehhhh, dat nothing can come close 2 tampering with it. If we date and end it, good radiance 2 u honey. Who cares!!

I experienced real, undiluted love 4 d 1st time with Dan (not even with dat asshole Kunle). Dan swept me off my feet in a way dat I didn't know existed, Dan was d 1st guy dat said d words 'I love u' 2 me and I believed him. He wud say 'I love u' and I wud reply 'I love u 2' as if I was being controlled by remote. D way 'I love u' rolled off my tongue ehhhh..chai.. Those times were sweeeeeet oooo and sweet now too. Even wen Dan and I called it quit before, I wasn't even d slightest heartbroken. I felt nothing!! Blank!,I sharpily moved on abeg.

My heart has become a rock dat im yet 2 c a man in his right sense dat has d liver 2 break it. 
U really wish.................

Till my next post..

Saturday, 27 December 2014


How did we meet??..
Ok, I entered a shop and he was in d same shop. After I left, he inquired abt me thru d shop owner (an elderly woman) who knew my family. He sent d shop owner 2 approach me 2 let me know of his intentions... I agreed 2 speak 2 him and dats how he asked we meet up somewr d next day.
The next day, we went 2 an eatery and talked. He sounded responsible enuff and just like I usually do, I started fitting him in2 my wedding plans..imagine!! Smh 4 me....honestly, wen I meet a prospective husband, I imagine wat our wedding wud look like, how d sex wud b and wat d kids wud look like.. Den he dropped d bombshell..oh whyyyy!! Plan C has a child, a baby boy! I cud have looked beyond dat but abeg, d way our society sees d 1st son as king.. Wat wud den b my role if I'm not d mother of d 1st son? 2 much naija movies eeehhhh!!

Anyway, Plan C lived abroad and his baby mama is from 1 of d African countries or so. Immediately I heard dis piece of information I started erasing his face from my wedding plans and I started asking 2 go home. Wat was d point wasting my precious time, afterall I was done eating d free food. Plan C actually approached me for marriage. He was ready 2 get married and seeing as he was 'coke' and I'fanta' and dat I was of a generous size, he thot we wud fit.. Bleeeehhhh... He called me for more dates but I refused and den he noticed I wasn't interested and stopped calling..

Fast forward couple of years later and I get a call with a guy saying he saw my number on his fone and he wasn't sure who it was. I told him my name and he reminded me who he was. After d call, he sent a text asking if I'm still single and dat he was still interested. He had relocated 2 naija now but lives in anoda state. He wud text 2 tell me he wanted 2 fly down 2 my state so we cud see and I wud say ok..no b just 2 talk and eat free food again? B my guest.

So on Xmas day, wen I said I wud text him, I sent d usual xmas message. D following conversation ensued....
Plan C: Same dear wish u all the best,will like to see u am in town!

Me: when?

Plan C: Depends on you am in my hotel wanted us to spend some time if u r game!

Me: I'll contact u wen eva I'm free.

Plan C: *inserts name of hotel* but r u ok with what i said,wanted us to be together?

Me: I don't understand. Call me.

Plan C: Cant talk now am with some people i mean i wanted u to sleep over,u should understand wht i mean will takecare of you!

Me: Ok, u r looking 4 a woman 2 keep u company 4 ur stay in town. Don't worry, around 7'O clock if u go past *A Street, *Royal hotel side, u will c plenty prostitutes standing on d road. Pick 1 or 2 and enjoy urself. I don't do such. Merry Xmas.


Me: U didn't say u wanted 2 talk. U said u wanted me 2 come and sleep over and u will take care of me. Dats d kind of thing u say 2 a prostitute. Its very disrespectful.

Plan C: Pls am very sorry!

No more reply from me since den..
Can u imagine d nerve!! Dis Plan C will sure b a thing of d past...Nonsense!!

Till my next post.....

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Neighbours dat pray so damn loud!

My nightmare is happening as I type dis post. I woke up 2 clapping and chanting! Infact dey are still at it. This is d 1st time dis is happening since we moved in2 dis area more dan 17yrs ago. This is d 1st nyt and I really hope dis is d last. These women have bn singing now 4 close to 30mins.. Such nuisance!! Y b so selfish? Y must u disturb my sleep?? Did ur God ask u 2 discomfort other ppl just bcos u want 2 worship him? In fact I think your God will b so angry with u... We met a Mosque in dis area wen we moved in and der was nothing we cud do abt it. D Alpha or wateva just uses d microfone 4 less dan 2 mins. Years later after some refurbishment in d area, FOUR churches..(yeh, u heard right) moved in. These 4 churches r lined up next 2 each other and wen its time 4 prayer and praise and worship, dey confusingly sing each other's songs and say each other's prayer...lmao...such nonsense!!... Y wud a religion dat claims peace want 2 disturb my sleep?? These prayer warriors r still singing, imagine wat will happen wen dey start praying. If dis happens 2moro and wen I hav 2 wake early 2 get ready 4 work, I will hav 2 take matters in2 my hands. Either I go and make complaints 2 dem or I go straight 2 my local government. Iv tolerated a Mosque and 4 churches so far but prayer warriors so early in d morning 2 disturb my precious sleep??...me dat hates waking so early in d morning.. I won't take dat lying down I swear.. Now d mosque has started der own.. I bet I'm not d only 1 lying in bed and thinking dis way... These women beta not piss me off... Didn't d landlord tell dem dis neva happened in dis area b4? D 4 churches don't disturb me as much cos apart from Sundays, dey start der own wen I'm already awake or wen I'm at work....only wen dey have night vigil dat it irks me a lot. As I end dis post...can u imagine dat dey r still singing and clapping..so bloody loud 2... Des type of ppl don't even care dat der may b a mother around who has worked hard 2 put her babies 2 sleep and dey are here making noise 2 wake dem...Rubbish!! They started at abt 5am.....now its 6.13am and d prayer has just begun..... Oh wait, d prayer has suddenly stopped and its back 2 singing again....urrrgggghhhhhhhh!!! This can't continue like dis..NO WAY!!


I just want 2 use dis opportunity 2 wish u guys a wonderful Xmas. Xmas is just an excuse 2 give & receive presents, over feeding, getting drunk and all dat excitement, and I love it!! I love d celebratory mood, food flying everywr and d break from work!!

Dan is out of town but we'v exchanged lovely Xmas messages. I love d pet names he calls me, I just hope d Negroid steps up his game in 2015 or I might have 2 give him an ultimatum.

As 4 Ken, dat nigga can like 2 chill wereva he is. I cud careless.

I'm going 2 text my 'Plan C' once I hit d 'Publish' button (if uv read my previous posts u will know who Plan C is).
I like 2 keep my 'Plans' up 2 speed.

Merry Xmas 2 you & yours....

Till my next post..

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

But u r single.. Wat do u do with ur Salary?

Thats one of d most ignorant questions evaaaaa urrrggggghhhh!! So annoying! *screams*
Y do some ppl just assume single ladies (especially) collect salary, take 10% of it 2 a beer parlour..devour a plate of nkwobi or isi ewu (goat head deliciousness) or catfish peppersoup and wash it down with 10 bottles of Heineken, Star, Gulder, Orijin or Smirnoff ice. Then there's d imaginary 'shopping spree', movies, 5 course meals or buffet at Eko hotel or Four Points, trips 2 Dubai or Barbados, infact money squandering. Then the remaining 90% just sits pretty in d bank, yielding interest *Yimu 2 infinity* infact *speak 2 d hands*...

See eeeehhh, I complained 2 a baga days ago about my poor salary and how I'm suffering and all dat and dis thing of a man opened his mouth 2 tell me I have no responsibilities so it wudnt affect me much...in his words ' u don't pay rent and some of u ladies r catered for anyway' I took it he meant 'Sugar Daddy' Can u imagine d nerve of dis guy?? *shaking my head*
'OH hell noooooo' was my reply in my head. In reality, I actually told him 2 hold up while I prove   him wrong.... check out the following...
  • 1st of..a big chunk of my salary goes in2 transportation.. 
  • Feeding 
  • Fuel 
  • Stocking up d house.. things like toiletries and replenishing food ingredients and beverages dig deep into my money. 
  • Getting my hair done..let's not 4get human hair expenses.. 
  • Manicure... Pedicure 
  • Medical expenses 
  • Money 4 my favourite crippled guy on my way back from work. Very intelligent begger, always asks me 'madam how work'? I dey feel dat guy abeg 
  • Buying an outfit or 2 
  • Underwear
  • Footwear 
  • Cosmetics 
  • Younger ones extorting money from me. 
  • Unplanned expenses like mending shoe or clothes, phone repair or new phone, being forced 2 patronize sum1 selling something outrageously priced in d office, office sellers can like 2 tripple prices sha na wa!.. 
  • Aso ebi 
  • Spraying money at weddings 
  • Out of work transportation 
  • Cooking gas 
  • Recharge cards 
  • Pizza, 
  • Ice cream 
  • Chicken Republic wings and crunchy chicken oh sooooooo yummyyy in my tummyyy chai! 
  • Sweet sensation dessert chocolate cake 
  • Shawarma... once in a while ooooo 
  • Small chops 
  • Suya 
  • Akara/potato/yam combo 
  • Etc. 
Shey u guys get my drift?
Even if I'm not caring for kids..y wud I sef wen I'll have an able bodied husband..its his job 2 provide 4 d kids and me ofcos mstchewwwww! Anyway..younger ones r just like kids, their demands na anoda tory.....
So I hope I have beenn able 2 convince u and not confuse u that single 'ladies' have as much responsibility 'money-wise' as d married ones.
Thank u.

Till my next post.....................................

Cry baby!!

I don't know if my own tears are in excess or there's something in me dat produces so much water dat can only b released as tears..

I c a chicken wif a bad leg, I cry..
U scream at me, I cry
I argue, i cry........
U do something nice 4 me I cry....
I watch '3 Idiots', I cry.....
And iv watched 3 idiots like 100000000 times ehhh and I neva get tired..
For those dat hav watched it, let me tell u d parts dat made me cry..
Wen Rancho ( main guy) took Raju's dad 2 d hospital with Pia's scooter and Raju got vexed abt d use of a scooter, Rancho den asked him if he wud have preferred they sent his dad 2 d hospital thru a delivery service ...dat made me laff so hard.. lmaooooo. Then a Doctor and a nurse (I think) went past discussing on how d old man wud hav lost his life if he wasn't brought 2 d hospital wen he was. Immediately Raju heard dis, he started crying and i cried 2. I cried so hard wen he ran 2 hug Rancho..chai..*crying* If u c me crying ehhhhh.. I cried more than d 2 of den.
See ehhh.. I always watch that movie alone so I can cry to my fill.
I also cried wen Raju jumped from d window, wen  Pia's sister was giving birth, wen Rancho was given d 'pen', wen that guy committed suicide, wen Farhan's dad agreed 4 him 2 go into Photography instead of Engineering and wen Raju got d job.
Gosh..I can fill a bucket with tears with that movie..

Hopefully my biggest cry will b wen that diamond ring hits my finger and I scream YES! or wen my babies r born!

Till my next post.......

Monday, 22 December 2014


Iv dated quite a number of guys. Some lasting from 1 nyt, some months. Iv met a lot of characters ehhhhh chai!!. I'll tell u abt 2 of dem..

 Story story storrrrryyyyy...
A guy friend of mine thought 2 hook me up wif his friend who was looking 4 a wife. Isn't it annoying wen sum1 newly gets married and suddenly has 10000001 suitors 4 u. I call dem 'Olodos'. How come those friends weren't there 2 hook me up with wen u were single?? Rme.
 Anywayzz, I agreed 2 meet up with d guy at an eatery during my lunch break. I got der b4 he did. Let me tell u i was utterly disappointed in his appearance I made a mental note 2 give dat nonsense friend of mine a fat punch in d nose wen next we see. Guy looked like Bart Simpson with a dry chest. As d nice girl dat I beliv I am, I decided 2 c wat more der was. He asked wat I wanted 2 eat and I said salad. Oh boy...u shud hav seen d look of disgust on dis Negroid's face as if I said I wanted a bucket of fat. He replied 'u shudnt be eating dat' eyeing me at d same time as if 2 say, 'so dis whale still eats'. Imagine d fool! He ordered rice, as if rice isn't more calorific dan a freaking salad mstchewwwww!!!. I didn't even wait 4 d salad or rice 2 come b4 I made my exit. I told him I had 2 get back 2 work. He sensed dat something was wrong and started acting nice. I jejely stood up and left. He called and professed love but I just ignored. He wud constantly call 2 ask if he did something wrong during our one and only date and I wud simply say I'm not interested. How can u meet a beautiful lady 4 d 1st time and start trying 2 control wat she eats? Abegi!!.. I neva saw him again after dat. Nonsense!

So one day on my way back from work, a guy in a nice ride stopped 2 talk 2 me. I stopped cos of d ride sha. He introduced himself and he was from Sierra Leone. He asked 4 my number and begged 2 call me later.. Meanwhile dis guy was in his car during dis entire exchange. D next day, he came with a friend 2 pick me up and we went 2 a pub. Let me emphasize on d fact that i do not like going on dates, esp 1st dates and d guy comes with a friend or friends... so annoying...
 BOOOOOM!!...d shocker... Dis guy stepped out of d car 4 d first time and he was half my height with a LIMP! ..SHIT mehn!!! While in d car, I sat behind while his friend was in d passenger seat so I didn't notice his midget legs. I kind of have a phobia 4 short guys. This one was even shorter than KUNLE! I immediately felt nauseous, something stopped me in my tracks and like film trick I reached 4 my phone and pretended 2 read a text. 'Oh' I said, 'my sis just text me and said she forgot her house keys at work and needs me 2 come open d door 4 her' I also said I'll find my way back afterwards. BIG LIE! The guy sensed something was wrong and suggested 2 take me home 2 give my sis d key and drive back 2 d Pub.. I literally screamed NO! I didn't know what kind of spirit led me, I turned around and walked away. I hailed a cab and quietly went home.
After that date, I promised myself never 2 pay attention 2 a guy toasting me while seated in a car. I always ask guys 2 park well and step down if they want 2 speak 2 me o jare, no time 4 scary surprises.

Till my next post...

Saturday, 20 December 2014

Went 2 a STRIP CLUB last nyt!

Mmmmmmmm.... So 4 d 1st time in my life, I went 2 a strip club. Dis was last nyt. Beliv it or not, it was on my bucket list. See ehhh, dis guy dat I met a couple of months ago got in2 d country 4 xmas and he insisted we hang out yesterday. I met up with him after work and we had a couple of drinks and a roasted 'point n kill' (cat fish). Yuuummmmmmmmm... Wen he was driving me home, we went past a club and he asked if I had eva seen naked girls dance.. I said NO! He suggested he picks me up in 2hrs so I cud experience it. I jumped at it, infact I was so curious and excited. Yehhhhhhhh me! 2hrs later, I'm all dressed and ready 2 hit d club. Gosh I was so nervous ehh. Wat if a family member or colleague sees me, wat will I say? Mmmmmm, well wat wr dey also doing der sef mstchewwwww!. My bobo 4 d nyt paid 2k 4 d both of us and in we went. First thing I saw wr girls, girls, girls in lingerie. One of dem was werking d only pole in d club. She was in d process of taking off her bra. I took a look around and naked girls were everywr on randy men, 1 was vibrating her ass in a guy's face, anoda was playing wif her V in plain view of everyone, one was on her head her ass in d air twerking, one was on d floor legs wide open using her fingers 2 widen her V (I think d guys she was displaying 4 requested dat) others were either dancing solo or giving lap dances (dry humping). These men were allowd 2 squeeze boobs and touch d V. I was really expecting 2 c dirty girls and a punani-stinking room but 2 my surprise d girls wr clean and d room was properly ventilated, so no foul smell whatsoever. There wr a lot of skinny ones with barely-der boobs and one orobo. The orobo was actually very good at wat she does. This whole situation was a new experience 4 me. Ppl around me wr acting like all des acts wr normal, mayb cos dey r der every weekend. D babe on d pole finally took everything off and was gyrating and sliding up and down d pole. Each stripper wud wipe d pole thoroughly with tissue paper for d next girl 2 use. Der was even a lady dat got 2 lapdances but she kept on resisting. D guy next 2 her whom I beliv is her boyfriend was d one requesting d dances 4 her. At 1st I thot she was a lesbian but d way she kept shooing d strippers off changed my mind. I quickly got bored jooor...after abt an hour. I don't know, mayb I was expecting more. I told my bobo 4 d nyt dat I had had enuff (Dan is on a business trip btw ). He wanted 2 wait 4 his friends so we cud all head down 2 anoda club but at almost 2am I was fagged out. I'm not judgemental of people not even prostitutes cos I don't know der situations. D only thing I had a problem with whether prostitutes or strippers is dat dey show der faces. I mean I cud hav recognised any of dos girls 2moro. If I was a pro or stripper, I'll definitely wear a disguise during my act. The shame alone ehhhhh..... In all, I'm glad I went. *ticks dat off my list*

Thursday, 18 December 2014

The 'Boyfriend' that stole my money!

I used 2 live abroad (can't mention wr exactly b4 all des monitoring spirits start der monitoring tinz).
D last guy I dated b4 my relocation stole my money...

Story story, storyyyyyyyyyyy...
I met *Kunle (not real name) abt 3 wks b4 my relocation 2 naija. It was sort of a blind date. 1st time we actually met after over d fone convo was an eye opener. Kunle dat I had been speaking 2 told me he was as tall as Usher (Usher is a midget but I didn't know dat at d time), d pics he showed me stretched him out, der4 looking taller..so deceptive! Kunle was actually very SHORT *crying*
I took a deep breathe and followed him inside after he took care of my cab. I decided not 2 let d height tin ruin dis so i looked beyond it and hoped 4 d best.
Kunle was by far 1 of the best boyfriends iv had till date. He was very kind, he treated me as a wife and introduced me as his girlfriend at any given opportunity. Days dat I spent d nyt in his place, he wud go 2 d naija grocery store by d corner and buy meat, cowleg, egusi, ugu, ogbono and d rest. As d 'wife' dat I was, I wud cook stew, soups and other orisirisi. He praised me a lot and complimented me. Even wen his friends came around dey will eat and praise my cooking. Chai!! Those guys can like 2 swell person head ehhhh...
As we know, a lot of guys whether naija or not participate in a lot of Credit Card Runs (I'm assuming we all know wat CCR means). I had very good credit history so Kunle asked me 2 give him my account number, password, sort code and my ATM card wen I'm done emptying my account for my relocation. I didn't even blink, I agreed 2 do so wen all is sorted. He said one of his friends needed an account since he wasnt authorised to open one (Immigration tinz). It was definitely CCR dey wanted 2 do but I didn't mind cos I didn't need d account anyway (mumu me).

Here's d koko..
I had already resigned from work prior 2 my relocation and my remaining settlement money from my job was suppsd 2 enter my account abt 2 weeks after my dapature date. So I asked Kunle who had my account details 2 simply help me withdraw MY money and send it 2 me via western union (I trusted dis guy very much) and he agreed. D money was abt 200k wen converted 2 naira.
Wen I landed naija, we kept on communicating, infact we wr still dating as long distance. We wud even occasionally hav fone sex (sorry, I know dat was way 2 much information but I want u guys 2 understand d extent of our relationship). There was even a time wen I needed my transcript DHL'd 2 naija and Kunle handled d payment and everything without much asking, so I trusted dis guy very much.
I knew immediately my money entered my account cos of internet banking. I called him 2 tell him so he cud do d transfer. An hour or so later, I checked my account again and half of d money had bn withdrawn. No shaking! Called Kunle and he said his friend dat is now using my account withdrew it thinking it was the money he was expecting and he was going 2 pay back ASAP...mmmmm.
I waited...

Almost everyday I wud call Kunle 2 remind him abt d money and wen he was going 2 send it, he wud say very soon.
'Very soon' turned 2 weeks...
Weeks passed and I stopped hearing from him, he wudnt pick my calls either (I was so nervous at dis point). Chai..I almost fainted..na so my hard earned money go just vanish?
A couple of months in2 dis and I was still calling everyday. One day he finally picked my call and said I shud neva call him again dat my Nigerian BF (whoeva dat was) had bn calling his fone 2 threaten him 2 leave me alone. IMAGINE!! Me dat hadn't even started dating again cos I was still assuming I and Kunle were still dating. I saw something fly past my eyes wen he said dat and it finally dawned on me dat Kunle was neva going 2 transfer dis money. He had 2 make up an excuse 4 me 2 stop disturbing him. I wanted 2 swear for him and his generation but something held my tongue. Dat was how I didnt hear from KUNLE again oooooo and my 200k dissappeared!!

Till date, dat incident bites me ehhh and I believe deep in my heart dat one day I will come face 2 face with Kunle and we will hav a physical combat I swear. Whether its 10 or 100yrs from now, I MUST collect my money. Infact, ll pass dis info down 2 my generations 2 come. That 200k must hav yielded so much interest by now and I'm losing out big time.*Rme*...


Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Going 2 Jail!

Iv always dreamt of going 2 jail!
I told u I'm WEIRD ryt?
Its always bn on my bucket list!
I just want 2 know wat it feels like 2 b arrested..those handcuffs clamped on my wrists, being shoved head first in2 a police car with d barricade just like in d American movies, but dis time instead of wiggling and struggling 2 b free, I'll b all smiles and a crowd wud b cheering 4 me. Chai! 
The hosing down with cold water and d orange jumpsuit nice and crispy on my skin..
Then comes d mugshot *dancing*,
I'll beg d attendant 2 allow me quickly put on some foundation & lippy and hav dem take abt 12 shots, after which I will select d cutest for my documentation.
Den, I walk thru a corridor, beddings in one hand 2 my single cell with lots of cheering from d inmates *feeling like a 'G' mehnnnn*..
I get 2 stand on d queue for food, join d kool guys on a bench and happily eat all my porridge (I'm assuming d white gooey stuff on TV is porridge), read a nice book on my bed till I fall asleep...mmmmmm.. D life!
Then d next day I'll b released..
Yeh I only want 1 nyt's jail experience and definitely not in a Nigerian jail *Hell nooooooooooo* I want d 'Orange is d new Black' kind of jail (minus d lesbianism).
Sounds fun ryt? I sure do. Hehehehehe


I have friends but I don't make effort 2 give dem time and needed attention like calling, visiting and lending a listening ear, I just can't be bothered (like a 1 sided relationship) but I REALLY do want to improve., no man is an island.
Sum1 else takes all of my attention and I just love giving it. That person is ME! I just love MYSELF. I'm best in my own company, I show excess attention 2 myself, I take good care of myself, I feed myself tastefully and so many other things. I cud be locked up in my room 4 a whole month and not need company as long as my internet is well subscribed, my lappy is fully charged and I'm well stocked up with enough food. Wen I'm bored with my company (hardly eva) I engulf myself with day dreams. I cud really give a shit abt the world at moments like these.
I can't help dat I get bored easily. A lot of ppl bore me dats y I don't bother (or mayb I'm just full of myself) *Rme*
Ofcos I'm trying 2 snap out of dis cos wen I get married, my attention can't b on myself alone.
I'm also making effort 2 give more attention 2 my friends, make dem feel special, text, call, chat *just typing dis alone is sapping my energy*...I'll start with dis female neighbour of mine who I always meet at d bus top in d mornings. Shez always smiling at me and saying hi, I think she is shy and I will TRY 2 make convo with her. Hopefully shez one of those who is comfortable wen I get quiet. Some ppl just can't handle a bit of silence, dey must always yap away!! *annoying*
Let's c how dis goes ehh!Wish me luck!
Im an INTROVERT, believe it or not and it is by choice.


I promise to say the TRUTH and nothing but the truth, so help me!!   
Im Anonymous anyway so wat will it benefit me to lie ehhh???

Sugar daddy is a slang term for a man who offers to support a typically younger woman or man after establishing a relationship that is usually sexual.

It got to a stage in my life wen i was approached by approx 4 married men a week (i kid u not), i was wondering why single men were running away (i aint got no high standards or nothing). wen they asked for my number i wud lie dat im married or other times i wud say my fiance wont like it or just plain ol' NO!!! Then the pestering begins...so i wud sometimes give my number for peace to reign, my plan was 2 ignore d calls till dey got tired and disappeared. It wasnt possible to get reid of quite a number of dem so i got me a solution. CHOP DER MONEY AND NO TO SEX!!!
This plan worked cos wen dey start showering me with gifts (which i accepted of cos) and i keep giving one excuse or the other to avoid meeting dem at a hotel or travel somwer, dey start fading away.
See ehhh... i met 'Chief' abt 3yrs ago. He was one of those married men that came and asked for my number *yawnsssssssssssssssssssssssssss*. He persisted as usual and i gave it * yawnssss*. As usual he called, enticed me with gifts and i waited it out. i waited, waited and waited for him to fade away but Chief kept on calling. Yes we hung out sometimes and he wud pester for sex which i will respond with a resounding NO!!! Shey wen he is tired of spending he will go abi?? 1 yr passed Chief was still in touch with me, he wud vex plenty times and vow neva to call me eva again lol. Some weeks later Chief will call asking to see me cos he misses me. The circle continued. He wud ask for sex and i wud shout NO!!! I wud even go as far as telling him i'll neva sleep with him and if he wants to go he shud go. Anoda advantage i had over Chief was d fact dat he said he doesnt use condom. I pounced on that bit of information and demanded that even if i was to sleep with him, he must use a condom. lol. (i knew he had no intention of doing dat). Of cos he refused.. 2 yrs passed, now in the 3rd year, Chief is still hanging around. When he's bored, he calls me and we hang out wen im also bored, if he is willing to give freely, who am i to refuse??
We are on the level that we just while away time by gisting, talking abt his numerous girlfriends that range from 17 - 50yrs old. Chief is really a dog dat sleeps with anything in skirt and i really pity him cos one day dat HIV and other sexual diseases he is toying with will catch up with him. Did i also mention dat he has also impregnated plenty girls? All aborted ofcos and it goes on and on. As usual, Chief will complain dat his wife is a nag and dis and dat and i just YIMU him,waving him off. I dont believe married men that think dey can get in your pant by downgrading der wives. That wife-bashing method is played out jor!!!
So yeh, iv done all in my power to chase Chief away but he resists, he is my friend and i will leave it at dat as long as i know dats all der is 2 it.

The ONLY time i EVER slept with a married man was cos the IDIOT, sorry BIG ASS IDIOT! lied to me abt being married. The morafucker actually brought his baby on one of our outings and bcos his friend came along pushing d buggie and taking care of the baby, he lied dat d baby was his friend's. Of cos i belived him (cudnt doubt him and how will i know someone wud lie abt something like that)??? Ofcos i dumped his ass afterwards and till date dis nigga calls me dat he is inlove with me and dat he wants me to be his Nigeria wife (as his other woman is caucasian), CAN U IMAGINE THE INSULT?..Smh*

Till my next post............


Sunday, 14 December 2014


BOSS: My boss is a TIGER! Na she sabi wetin dey worry am! *mschtewwwww*. See ehh, dis woman is abt 5-5'2ft tall, doesn't weigh more dan 50kg and shud be abt 50yrs old. She is such a fire cracker, a horrible 1 at dat. This woman is so disrespectful and talks down on those old enuff 2 birth her twice over. Her volume is at its loudest wen her own bosses are in d office. Come and see showing off. *idiota*. She believes dat her bosses will b impressed once dey c her shouting instructions and stumping abt! *Smh*. The way she disrespects men ehh is story 4 anoda day. We in my department hav put her in our prayer so she can hurry up and marry so dat a man will use good knacking (sex) 2 calm her down (hopefully). Cuz it seems d problem is she isn't getting enough or any sex 4 dat matter. Mehnnnnn, dat woman is 2 hyper abegggg! One gud thing abt her is dat she knows her job, but she still needs 2 chill.

JOKER: There r 2 jokers but 1 of dem takes d cake. Dis guy is over 50yrs old but runs around like a spoilt kid thru out d 9hrs of work. Chai! He is either making jokes loudly or roaring with dat nasty laughter *yuck*. Dis man goes round d office one table at a time 2 taunt ppl. He makes frequent visits to my table and wen I sight him I start 'pretend-pinging' on my fone or I put on a str8 face with my eyes fixed on my monitor. Other times wen he catches me unawares, I hav no choice but 2 feign fake laughter (practised 2 perfection). Mehnn dis guy really wears me out. Y can't he just make jokes for 1 hour, I cud manage dat but 9hrs? Phewwwwwww! Exhausting. I gat work 2 do 2 u know?

PSYCHO: Dis one has multiple personalities. She picks unnecessary fights and brings up stuffs dat r unrelated 2 dat particular fight. She uses God a lot 2 argue her cases and she can go as far as swearing 4 u and ur generations and ancestors all in d name of argument. She can fight u now and still come 2 u for something in d next minute, aint dat a pyscho? (Iv neva had cause 2 pick a fight with her thou- can't b bothered).

NEIGHBOUR 1: I share an office with 2 ladies. Number 1 always speaks a borrowed language whether u understand it or not. She has refused 2 maintain office decorum and communicate in English 4 easy understanding. She is also a 'peeker'. She is always looking over at my monitor, drawing attention 2 wat I'm viewing. She wants 2 looks at pics wen I open a blog or read wateva it is I open *so annoying* y can't she just open it on her own PC and read? I really tire ooo! This one also hardly eva shuts up, always asking 1 question or d other (infact she can't handle a moment of silence which I love by d way).

NEIGBOUR 2: Dis one neva stops eating (I blame her 4 distracting my weightloss process *yimu 2 me lol). She weighs abt 200kg (I exaggerate.. lmao) and d 1st thing she does after greetings in d morning is 2 go around d office announcing dat she is hungry!! In my mind I'm like, dis woman no dey shame? And as she is doing these 'I'm hungry' rounds ppl will b 'yimuing' her and their response is always 'u still eat'? Lmao. She sef will laugh over it, imagine! She also blabs a lot and wants attention given 2 her immediately she needs it. *so tiring I swear*. She is also a gossip, she badmouths her supposedly close friends a lot but blames d 'gossipness' on d Office Psycho lmao.

MISS PERFECT: Turned 40yrs old dis year. Believes her slim figure and long hair is enuff 2 get a man, not just a man but d perfect man. See ehh, some ladies get 2 a certain age and lower der standard on d qualities of an ideal husband but dis babe is still waiting 4 Mr perfect. At such age, ill probably take wateva I find mehnnn. For example, I wud neva hav smelt sum1 like Ken but see wat age has done 2 me ehhh. Let's hope she wakes up from her slumber 1 day sha.

MY 'FRIEND': I get along with her cos she is d closest person 2 b on d same thinking page with me. We hav a lot in common and d gist flows very easily. Howeva, she is so loud its almost cringe-worthy. Her jokes are always animated and she giggles from morning till evening! pheewww! Wr do des ppl get der energy from?

ME: I'm easily pissed off. D ppl i share an office with piss me off, my boss 2 and I'm quick 2 anger which is very bad. But some days r happy days and I try 2 control myself and tolerate. Im really learning patience and tolerance in dealing with people. Wat irks me d most is dat my salary is nothing 2 write home abt. I think dats even d source of my anger. On d bright side, I hav a lot of office admirers, old ass men dat think dey hav a chance just cos I gist with dem and laugh over their flirtings. They can sha like 2 dream and jonzzzz. Even 1 of d top guys has sent an aid 2 tell me he is digging me lmao (gist for another day jorr lol)

P.S- I'll touch on d rest of d characters as time goes by.

PPS- its time 2 go cook d much awaited Sunday rice and stew with chicken and fish, yummmmmm! Till my next post....

Saturday, 13 December 2014

I had a dream...2 tell or not 2 tell..mmmmmmmmmm

I had an exciting dream last nyt dat Dan (fine boy 2 d surest *not Ken, thank God! Phew!*) proposed 2 me. See ehhh iv know Dan 4 over 4 yrs now and dis is d 1st time I'm having such a dream. Even wen we came close 2 doing d deed years ago I neva had a dream like dis. I almost fainted wen I woke up, it took me a couple of minutes 2 accept dat it was just a dream. DAMN!!
Ok I'll narate dis dream..
I was standing at the balcony in my family house wen I saw Dan downstairs, he walked in briskly with 2 of his friends. Wen I saw him I started giggling and jumping with excitement (for some reason I knew wat was coming next). I giggled thru out dis dream ehhhh. Dan spent abt 2 mins downstairs and next thing he is upstairs in my room. He was leaning on my bed and I passionately hugged and french kissed him not minding dat I was only in my panties (weird ryt??) and my sisters wr also in d room. Dan got up from d bed and went down on one knee (I was giggling thru out) he said some things, brought out dis massive ring wif plenty diamonds and asked me to marry him. I giggled some more and jumped on him shouting yes! Next thing I know I'm on a ride 2 d market on a hunt for a nail salon so I can get my nails did for dat picture perfect 'I just got engaged' pic so I can send 2 an amebo friend of mine who always taunts me with 'wen will I c ur ring or proposal video *rolling my eyes at her*. Anyway, I was riding thru d market and every nail specialist was busy, dey kept directing me 2 d next nail specialist who was equally busy..Mehn!!! D last one I asked 4 directions told me 2 enter a commercial bus 2 d next street and use d salon der. I boarded d bus and off we went, after abt a minute and d bus hadn't stopped, I den saw sign boards dat read 'Akure' (a different state)..hian!!..how person wey dey Lagos just automatically reach Akure? I told d conductor wr my stop was and he said I shudnt worry dat I can alight at d next stop.... I didn't mind, nothing else mattered, I was extremely happy, always admiring my ring...........then I blinked awake! I was so so happy in dis dream like neva b4, I kept on saying 'finally, finally' *yesssssssssssssss* and wen I blinked my eyes open I screamed Shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiitttt!! Shit! Shit! Shhhhiiiiiitttttttttt!!(I felt hot tears trickle down) Took me some minutes 2 take it all in...oh well.

The thing is... Iv been contemplating telling Dan dis my dream, but I'm scared I'll sound desperate! He might think I'm just making up dreams just so he will propose. Yes I'm a desparado but its a secret one abeg, I die b4 I embarrass myself on dat matter. So shud I tell Dan or not??.............mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

Friday, 12 December 2014


My heartbeat races x100000000000000 wen I hear the word 'MEETING' as in sit-down meetings not going out and having a drink kind of meeting. I can't stand someone else talking for a long period of time, it makes me uncomfortable and nervous bcos I always feel like they will start insulting me or telling me off for for one thing or the other even thou I know d meeting isn't even remotely abt me or anywr related to me. It even gets worse wen a meeting lasts for hours on end. I start feeling itchy and d fidgety.
I know how dis came about. My BIRTH HOST!!( I refuse to refer 2 her as mom or mother). *I'll b making dis whole 'birth host' thing a different post in d future so u can understand beta, so look out 4 it*
From wen I was younger, we used 2 have frequent family meetings, cud b 2 celebrate or address certain issues. As d years went by BH (birth host) started making dis abt me. See ehhh, we r not close in anyway. She wud use d opportunity dat dis meeting gave to focus on me, showering insults and turning d whole atmosphere gloomy. I can b an extremely quiet person, my bro for example understands dis side of me and gives me space. BH thinks its some kind of abomination. D woman doesn't want to stoop a bit low 2 understand her child cos she is a loud mouth and she can't seem 2 understand y I'm not like her as well. Smh!
Anyway, from there onwards, iv always dreaded meetings, as in ehhhhhhhhhhh!
That whole issue with BH really messed up my mind and I'm open 2 therapy sha....
In fact I'm open to anything that can normalize me in dat 'meeting' aspect and take me back to a time wen d word MEETING wasn't a heart wrenching experience.
It is well

P.s- I want take this moment to appreciate everyone who has taken time out 2 visit my blog. Iv always wanted to do this but was so scared that sum1 will figure me out lmaoooooo!! 
Im so enjoying writing already, wish i started since.

PPS- its almost close of work now and im dreading facing d traffic. Traffic on dis side is sometn else. Journey of 30mins will take 4-5hrs, IMAGINE!! Na those wey carry motor i pity d most. Me i will just enter bus half, trek half and bike d rest o jare!!
Im hanging out 2nyt (neither with Dan nor Ken ) for a change cos it Friday i guess.
Till my next post.
See ya...........

Thursday, 11 December 2014


Lol at my heading. Its just pure sensationalism o jare, d optimistic me talking! lol
Optimistic abt my wedding dat is..
Ok..... I DON'T weigh myself, dats cos I like 2 deceive myself a lot sometimes or I'm just plain scared of d readings I'll c on d scale . I checked my BMI on d net d other day and d annoying calculation says I'm overweight. Mstchewwwwww jor!. I'm a size 16 UK and quite tall. I actually carry my weight well but I'm still heavy mehn.. Iv always been slim all my life so I don't even know how dis weight gain happened, scratch dat, ofcos I know exactly how I added all d weight and became a confam orobo (fat ass).
Story, story, storrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......
After Uni, I got a job almost immediately. The feeling of making MY OWN money knocked me ryt off my feet (my dad funded till after Uni). I had a near orgasmic feeling wen I got my 1st full time work paycheque... The first thing I did was pay my tithe (biggest YIMU)
''YIMU" -(verb) : is an awkward movement of the lips towards the nose acknowledging that someone is jonzing.
 Buhahahahahaha oops sorry.....allow me to amuse myself jor. Okkkkkkk moving on lol, as a food analyst grobido (gluton) that I am, the first thing I did on my lunch break was to make my way to my favourite Jamaican food spot just a stone throw from my office. I jejely ordered JUST a plate of rice & peas, curry mutton and goat, jerk chicken, dumplings, a medium large size tub of red pea soup (yummiest), beef and chicken patties and a potion of potato salad only. I also got Ackee and Salt fish for later munching. Oh and a bottle of natural tropical juice (healthy stuff) 2 wash it down. And no, I wasn't buying for d whole office. *rolling my eyes* and yes I ate all of it, finito. Oh no, I didn't hav d nerve or courage to lay out my trailer load of food on a table in d restaurant with all those annoying judgemental eyes on me. Hell noooo!.. I just kukuma forced, shoved and compressed d food till it fit into my handbag b4 walking in2 d office. See ehhh my handbag is a saviour, I carry it everywr for days wen I need 2 smuggle something. Wen I got 2 d office, I briskly dashed to d leisure area at d basement b4 *Emma d agbaya and begi begi wud ask me wat I brought back for lunch, no time abegi!
Everyday was a feast, on a monday i cud hav KFC(gosh I die for chicken, be it fried, stewed, grilled, inside ofe nsala or turnt up sef lol). It cud b Chinese on Tuesday (I loooooooove Chinese food) d ribs, duck, beef, chicken in black bean sauce, egg or special fried rice, heavenly juicy chicken chow mein, *licks lips* SHIT mehn!!. Wednesday I cud hav Italian or Nandos. Thursday, indian (not d biggest fan of indian food- dat curry smell ehhh), Friday, d naija food spot close by for my jollof rice, ofada rice and sauce with correct orisirisi (asorted meat), dodo, amala and d whole 9 yards. D choice of food is in no particular day order. Oya tell me how person no go add weight, but dat was d farthest thing from my mind at dat time. Even during d weekends I wud start with a full English brreakfast with bangers, hash browns and d lot, open d restaurant section of my yellow pages or my collection of take-away menus and order away. From Pizza hut to Nandos to fish, wings or chicken and chips, to my darling and favourite Pakistani Ahmed for dat amazeballs Shish kebab with enuff garlic sauce. *licks lips* *screams in excitement* loooooorrrrrddd hamercccyyyy!!. Chai.. der is god ooooo..
My point is dat I was very much aware dat my food consumption had multiplied but I kept hoping dat it won't show on my body, meanwhile i was bursting out of my size 10 clothes. Na wa ooo!
From then till now, my weight has been a morafucking yoyo. I don't eat as horribly as i used to but I still need to shift this weight.
So I hav begun eating clean (less carbs and more protein), 2 lazy to exercise abeg, with hopes of getting down 2 a size 10-12 before my fast approaching wedding which I can sense. Its good to be hopeful na abi?
I must do dis oooo, I intend on wearing a 2 piece for my first trad marriage outing with my chiseled and toned abs visible, shaking my size 10 waist to flavour's 'Ada Ada'. Oh yesss!
I'm really serious dis time around after my many weight loss attempts and failure. *Gosh som1 needs 2 taste dis coldstone ice cream im having, yummmmm yummmmmm*
I'm determined..and I will buy a scale 2 (hope I don't go in2 convulsion wen I see d readings sha lol)
I musto do dis!!

Wednesday, 10 December 2014


a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.
My name is Realness, and i am an Atheist, a SECRET atheist.
Its nothing new that in Nigeria that it is a sort of an abomination if u do not believe in God or Allah or wateva. I grew up a christian, of cos i had no choice when it came to choosing my belief regarding the kind of God or go i fancied and wanted to occupy myself with. I was just FORCED ryt into Christianity.
Growing up i dreaded going to church, sitting down, blank staring for hours and hours and listening to something i had no interest in. This led to my many day dreams (i will write on this in the furture).
i cant remeber wen exactly i started thinking deeply abt religion and its dept. 
I questioned a lot of things like:
-nobody has eva seen this God,  its just a fiction of imagination 
-the bible that is so strictly followed didnt drop out of heaven, clueless human beings actually wrote it, clueless bcos this person or persons weren't even in existence 1 million or so years ago wen Jesus or Moses or Adam and Eve were supposedly alive. 
-the different and updated versions of the bible (very laughable)
-d millions of churches opening up in Nigeria (where i live) with der laugable FAKE miracles, the churches that will ask u to bring 6 kolanuts and white hankies for deliverance lmao. Chai!
-shud i begin with the BRAINWASHING? Buhahahahahahahahh.. Religion is a brainwashing institution. Some ppl just get sucked in and the disease called ignorance overtakes dem dat they r too dumb to think for themselves. If u belive dat ur so -called God can hear ur heart, den why scream and jump about wen praying to him?
U know wat even irks me the most? the ignorant ppl that wait in hope that  a non existent being will magically put food on their table or money in there pockets or heal their headaches and malaria or put babies in their womb. Instead of getting their ass up to hustle, to the hospital or going ahead with that IVF, they foolishly and ignorantly WAIT for nothing. SAD.
I dont belive that there are supreme beings or a supreme being. I dont believe becos i havnt witnessed it and there is no proof of such. Even the ones that claim that der kids came out d womb with a rosary lol or a bible are all hogwash. SCAM!
I dont belive that der is an invisible being somewr that is listening to prayers and waving magic wands for happy eva afters.
I dont beliv in heaven or earth.
The only GOOD thing that has come out of religion (Christianity of cos) is the set rules of godly things we all can live with. At least these rules like the 10 commandments and such prevents SOME crazy ppl from acting the fool.
As at this my age, i haven't been convinced that der is a God. Ppl really need to wakeup.

PS- ofcos i can not argue these points in public or to my family, na to carry me go T.B Joshua or native doctor for deliverance be dat. lmao. Abeg oooooo

How i lost my virginity

Losing my Virginity, V-card, Cherry or wateva was a HOT MESS.
I hear all dem soppy stories on how some ppl lost their virginity and the hooooos an haaaaaaas on the heavenly feel of the nyt. When I read or hear such, I'm like 'I must be different'. Ok let me tell u one thing dat will knock u out.
'The person dat disvirgined me wasn't even aware' lmao
My life, choi!
See ehh (lol, I know I like using this 'see ehh' a lot) I got disvirgined in my early 20s. I neva had sex in secondary school or Uni. I had my 1st Boyfriend in Uni but I didn't think it was ryt to lose the V abeg, not because I swore to celibacy or waiting till I get married. I just didn't FEEL it was ryt. My own decision oooo. After Uni, I started feeling different, infact there was this 'horniness' from somwr. I had to quench it somhow. I attended a birthday party and met this guy. He wasn't d finest of the bunch but he had d best personality (infact the guy no even fine facially). We clicked and kissed (just kiss ooo) dat nyt at a club we went to afterwards. We met up a couple of times sha and only kiss kiss we did. After abt a week or so, he invited me over 2 his place and I had to spend the night! BOOOM! I knew this was my opportunity to lose d V. Dis dude went to bed b4 me while I was watching TV. (I even cooked egusi soup for him dat day). By the time I got to bed, he was already asleep. I sharpily woke him up by caressing him. He awoke and d quaving (caressing) started, I noticed dis guy was a bit sloppy cos he was half asleep. Anyway, one thing led to anoda, I pulled off my clothes (by myself *roll my eyes*), he got on top of me sleepily, bumped and grinded (if dats d ryt word) for abt 1 min (no caressing at dis point). He 'came' and rolled back to sleep...*crickets*
My feelings while this was going on as per someone losing it for the 1st time was utter confusion. I was hoping for romance, kisses from my head to toe, sweet words whispered in my ears, going down south, fingering, etc. Let's just say, I was expecting to be blown away. Did I mention dat dis baga's PJ was still on during this torture? *tear*
After the ordeal, I was like, so dis is wat is supposed to quench my fire? Dis miserable act? Mstcheeeeew!
One thing I was curious abt was the 'BLOOD' dat was supsd to flow and signify dat I was now a badooooo, as in big girlz tinz. I ran to the loo to know if dat miserable bumping and grinding had enough motion to burst my hymen. I saw blood and smiled. I finally disvirgined myself all by MYSELF(dats just how it felt).
The reason why I said dis baga didn't even know he disvirgined me was cos we neva even talked abt whether I was a V or not prior to the act. He didn't even stand up to dispose of his supposedly bloody condom and clean up or even ask me if I felt pain or if I enjoyed it! *tear*. He didnt even behave like someone dat was given the honours of popping my precious cherry. Nigg* slept all thru d nyt (didn't even wake 2 take a leak). See my life?
That was the 1st and last time I had relations with that guy. I quickly turned the whole thing to just frnds till the friendship dissolved, no time abeg. Its been over at lease 5 years now and d dude neva once talked abt it at all.
PS- Am i just exaggerating? Does it really matter if he was aware or not? mmmmmmm

Tuesday, 9 December 2014


Plss ooo,  I'm not a badoo ooo (bad girl) of sorts. Its not dat I made out to intentionally date 2 guys at once but at my age, its not wise to put all your eggs in one basket abegi. If any one feels like 'YIMUing' me, na u sabi jor. You are probably wondering if i sleep with the 2 of dem and the answer will be made clear shortly.
Ok, let name my 2 BFs as Dan and Ken. I actually prefer Dan, he was my first eva love (wateva dat means mehn). We dated some years ago and broke it off a couple of times. We recently got back fully (I hope) and we are trying to see if the next level is doable.
Ken however, iv known longer dan Dan. I neva liked him initially cos I thot he was one of these igbotic bros of mine dat speak bad english (it was actually d unattraction dat deafened me cos his English is good and he is clean and good looking sef). See ehhh, Ken contacted me last year after years of no contact and said he wanted to make us work. So as a nice single babe dat I was, I sharply obliged. I weighed my options. Ken is from a wealthy home, has a good job and all and drives clean rides. I tend to throw love out the window wen shopping for a prospective 'husband' cos i want someone dat can give me a good life and ofcos affection is important. See ehhh, Ken is like a robot. Permit me to mention d fact that he is STINGY, can u beliv dat his 1naira has neva touched my palm b4 (my mumuness is hoping dat he will change after marriage, correct YIMU 2 me). Dis guy Ken is so stiff dat 2 pay me a compliment or call or even check up on me is a no no. He is a typical Igbo man dat wants to lord over a woman so that his opinion is final (I'm sure u are wondering why I'm wasting my time with dis baga). He is just my plan B jor. The one I'll just hav to manage if Dan doesn't represent (ders a plan C sha but he is carrying last cos he already has a son from anoda woman and me I want to hav my husband's 1st son jor, inheritance matter dey). Can u believe dat since dis Ken tried to rekindle our so called love last year my brethrens, we haven't seen eye to eye? He keeps saying he is coming and d coming neva reach. I always suggest I b the one to visit him since he lives in anoda state but there is always one excuse or the other. We hav broken up like 1 billion times cos of this issue but each time I wake up and remember he is my plan B (very important).lol. I haven't slept with Ken since we rekindled last year over the fone ( i dont claim to be a saint or anything, im sure we wud hav slept 2geda if he was actually here).
On d other hand, I make sweet love to Dan *fans self* wooooooooooowwww!
Sooooooooo lol, Dan Dan Dan. Mmmmmm. Fine boy to the surest (it bothers me a lot dat thirsty bitches wud want wats mine). If this guy uses his mouth to romance u ehh, u will hav no choice but to trip. Our love was so strong wen we met some years ago and I actually thot that was it, we were definitely going to get married but it neva happened. There was a problem of distance and some very stupid things I did (dis will be revealed in another post). Let's just say, we neva worked out. He thot I was dating some other guy while he wasn't around and I also heard he was flaunting a babe which we both denied. The truth is dat I was seeing some guys since Dan decided to leave me to wait for him and roast here (imagine), did I sleep with dem? Mmmmmmmmm. Moving on.. For d past year now, Dan has been making efforts to get back with me and ofcos I accepted to try and work it out (old age palava, desperado tinz lol). I really love dat guy sha. Dan also has potentials for a husband. He makes money (any which way), he is really caring and can provide for me. I like him a lot.
Ok, let me stop here so as not to confuse u guys any further.
Both my BFs are here to stay till I get d ring on my finger. Hopefully from Dan ofcos.
I want this blog to also serve as my journey to getting the ring. I'll b updating my ups and downs with Dan and Ken so keep checking.
So u c y its actually reasonable to have 2 boyfriends? Oh I sure do.
Till my next post.
Ps- I'm still trying 2 get a hang of how to use these blogging features. Mmmmmmm

Monday, 8 December 2014

1st of all, Introduction!

Look ehh, dis blog will b my secret get away so nobody close to me is supsd 2 know abt it cos ill b revealing quite a lot of embarrasing things and secrets. shhhhhhhhhhhhh hehehehe
Randoms facts abt me (will be updated as time goes on)-
Late 20s
In love with MYSELF
I do not get along with my BIRTH HOST (I believe she hates me, well dats story for anoda day)
I work in a VERY rich Org but if i tell u how much these assholes pay me ehh, u will weep for me.
I dnt have a best friend
Did I mention that i LOVE myself? hhehehehe
I'm single and desperately hoping to get married (there are men but all r dulling)
Did I mention that I'm seriously dating 2 guys? (Story for anoda day) hehehehehe
Hmmmmm...Wat else? let me c..
I'm a secret Atheist.
I will be elaborating on these facts and lots more (oh der r a whole lot more, belee dat) as time goes by, so keep checking.

1st post! FINALLY! 8/12/2014

Ok, im not one to talk 2 much (might write epistles thou) or complete my words. I'll be writing in short forms a lot and just to make it clear, im not a professional writer nor am i looking to be. I just need to put my REAL life out there. No bullshiting, simple honesty at its peek. I want this blog to be like a dairy with random updates.
I think my life is WEIRD and i'm curious to know if der r others like me.
Lets make this happen!!!
PS- this babe is going to be ANONYMOUS. Oooops, sorry! No identity reveal watsoeva.
Enjoy the ride.