Monday, 29 December 2014

My 1st boyfriend..My 1st and last heartbreak.

Warning: This is an epistle and may contain explicit language. Reader's discretion advised. For people 80 & above. Thank you.

I neva dated in my Secondary School days, not even as much as a kiss..choi!. Its not like I was holy holy or none of dat, I was just somehow. See ehhh, I have dis bad habit of NOT talking 2 ppl for no apparent reason, esp guys. Come 2 think of it, I think it was just shyness. I wud always put on dis tough look and nobody wud eva guess wassup inside. I had a crush from SS1 till graduation and not a single soul knew abt it till date. (Story 4 another day).

Story story stoorrrryyyy..  
 I started Uni in September and by December all my friends had boyfriends except me. Just my strong face alone chased d guys away. I felt seriously left out. Wen it was time 2 club, everyone wud b coupled up and I'll b d single tag life ehhh!. Anywayzz, by Feb d next year I met my 1st ever boyfriend. How did we meet??......*thinking*.....mmmmmmm....ohhhh okkkkkk... Now I remember. We met at a Halls of Residence party. A guy dat I was taller dan by like 2inches (story of my life) asked me 2 dance since I was sitting and sulking all by myself. I was a good dancer back in d day sha... Well.. Let's call him *Tunde. Tunde and I danced 4 a very long time and even wen I asked to take a break, he wud b by my side again within minutes. Dat was it oooooh. He neva officially asked me 2 b his girlfriend but dat was wat we became sha. I was so happy ehh, der was dis noticeable confidence in me and a spring 2 my step. He wud invite me 2 his place and he wud come 2 my Halls of Residence as well.
This was my 1st eva boyfriend at d age of 18 while Tunde was 25. So u can imagine d level of experience dis guy had. Tunde teased me a lot which I hated. He was neva affectionate like dat. 1st time we kissed was so embarrassing and d idiot laughed at me. *crying*..he wud tease me abt d way I kept my mouth and my kiss was like pecking his lips...wen I'm inexperienced nko?? Stupid boy!! I was so naive in dis relationship ehhhh, I was just a learner. It was as if I was thrown in2 a hippopotamus pit and asked 2 fight 4 my survival. Tunde wud invite me 2 his place and I wud sleepover with my jeans and jumper still on.
1st time he caressed my boobs ehhhh, I felt light.. (So dis was wat des babes r enjoying ehhh and iv bn jonzing)... but ofcos I pretended dat I didn't like it so he wudnt start pulling his clothes.
Tunde made 1 billion attempts 2 have sex with me but I refused. It wasnt like I was saving myself 4 marriage oooo, I just felt it wasn't d time 2 give up my virginity. One day, Tunde visited my place and immediately starting d usual kissing and pulling my clothes off. Then he pulled off all his own clothes and I saw a 'DICK' live 4 d 1st time..*shiverrrrrsssss*. Initially, wen I sleepover at his place and he gets a hard-on, he wud forcefully pull my palm and place it on his erection so I can feel wat I do 2 him, dat alone sent shivers down my spine. Back 2 my story.. Tunde was LARGE down der 4 a skinny guy.. my gaze was fixed on his thing for a few seconds and d smirk on his nonsense face showed he was enjoying suprising me..I was pleasantly surprised mehhhnnn!!!. Nothing sha happened after d stunt and he left angry.. *Phewwwww*.

Long story short..abt 9months in2 dis our dating, Tunde cudnt take it anymore and he started showing signs. One day a course mate of mine told me how Tunde had visited her house with his friend and had toasted her (my course mate). She told me cos some1 mentioned 2 her dat Tunde and I were dating. I confronted Tunde and he apologised. I accepted. Abt 11months into dis wonky relationship, Tunde decided 2 call it off. I felt my heart shatter. I wasn't expecting it. I guess my naïve self thot Tunde, a grown man wud b waiting 4 me till I feel like having sex. *yimu-est*. I had d most miserable existence from den on. I was ashamed of myself (don't ask me y). I wud call Tunde from morning till night begging him 2 come back dat I will do wateva he wanted. Tunde ignored me and I wud cry from morning till night. I felt like crawling in2 a cave and remaining der. Can u believe dis my yeye heartbreak lasted for abt 4 yrs? Yes 4 yrs!! I didn't date anyone else within dat period. Just d occasional hanging out.
Looking back now, I just feel like giving myself a knock on d head. I missed so many opportunities cos I was grieving 4 Tunde who was probably having 3somes and Orgies somewhere else. Its not like I was heartbroken cos Tunde was my 1st love, NOOOO! I wasn't even inlove with him. At that stage in my life I didnt know wat love was. I just sha wanted boyfriend like everyone else o jare. I wudnt exactly call it a heartbreak, I was scared of d failure and being alone. I was mostly scared dat I wud never ever find another boyfriend ever again..hahahahahahahahahahah. Can u imagine? *shaking my head for me* For some reason I felt Tunde was my last bustop. Na wa oooooo....

Wen I think of d days I wud call Tunde 2 beg him just 2 come and see me..I shudder! He 2 was feeling like one G..feeling like some1 dat was being begged. Mstchewwwww! Tunde really played with my young heart and showed me pepper. There was a time a guy in his clique asked me out and I refused just because I didn't want 2 upset Tunde whom I was hoping wud come knocking on my door professing his undying love but dat never happened.

I got over Tunde after I left it was really d boredom and monotony of Uni dat didn't let me think with a clear mind. Those years were very dark years for me and after dat experience, I have neva allowed myself to be heart broken again. Infact I toyed with a lot of hearts just 2 show guys pepper and console myself. My heart is so strong now ehhhh, dat nothing can come close 2 tampering with it. If we date and end it, good radiance 2 u honey. Who cares!!

I experienced real, undiluted love 4 d 1st time with Dan (not even with dat asshole Kunle). Dan swept me off my feet in a way dat I didn't know existed, Dan was d 1st guy dat said d words 'I love u' 2 me and I believed him. He wud say 'I love u' and I wud reply 'I love u 2' as if I was being controlled by remote. D way 'I love u' rolled off my tongue ehhhh..chai.. Those times were sweeeeeet oooo and sweet now too. Even wen Dan and I called it quit before, I wasn't even d slightest heartbroken. I felt nothing!! Blank!,I sharpily moved on abeg.

My heart has become a rock dat im yet 2 c a man in his right sense dat has d liver 2 break it. 
U really wish.................

Till my next post..


  1. Jeeez! Are you fecking kidding me? We've got really similar experience down to d age n when you met. LoL! Amazing!

    1. Really? Cud we b 1 and d same? I like..hehehe

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