Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Going 2 Jail!

Iv always dreamt of going 2 jail!
I told u I'm WEIRD ryt?
Its always bn on my bucket list!
I just want 2 know wat it feels like 2 b arrested..those handcuffs clamped on my wrists, being shoved head first in2 a police car with d barricade just like in d American movies, but dis time instead of wiggling and struggling 2 b free, I'll b all smiles and a crowd wud b cheering 4 me. Chai! 
The hosing down with cold water and d orange jumpsuit nice and crispy on my skin..
Then comes d mugshot *dancing*,
I'll beg d attendant 2 allow me quickly put on some foundation & lippy and hav dem take abt 12 shots, after which I will select d cutest for my documentation.
Den, I walk thru a corridor, beddings in one hand 2 my single cell with lots of cheering from d inmates *feeling like a 'G' mehnnnn*..
I get 2 stand on d queue for food, join d kool guys on a bench and happily eat all my porridge (I'm assuming d white gooey stuff on TV is porridge), read a nice book on my bed till I fall asleep...mmmmmm.. D life!
Then d next day I'll b released..
Yeh I only want 1 nyt's jail experience and definitely not in a Nigerian jail *Hell nooooooooooo* I want d 'Orange is d new Black' kind of jail (minus d lesbianism).
Sounds fun ryt? I sure do. Hehehehehe