Monday, 23 March 2015

A lil Something

Just dropped by to say how very shameful it is of me to abandon my blog for this long.....Realness you shud be totally ashamed of yourself!!...I apologize...really I do..*inserts pity pity face smiley*

A lot of changes are happening with sorting out work and all and I have been up and about its craaazzzzzzy!! I haven't been able to have a breather...believe that.

Will get back 2 blogging before you know it.

Till my next post.....

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

My Neighbour Is A Vampire

So I've sort of been monitoring this guy 4 a while now before drawing my conclusion.

See ehhhhh....there are some nights I don't sleep heavily or Im awake watching a movie or reading a book till dawn thats how im able to notice this guy's routine..... just to clarify that im not a

Ok let's say they 'take light' around that kind 11pm...this my Neighbour (Tenant) is up within 5 seconds fiddling with his padlock and proceeds to turn on his Generator (Gen)...I hear him clearly cos my room faces his apartment.They then 'bring light' say 11:20pm...he is up within seconds again to change over and turn off the Gen.They take light again say 11:25pm...guy is up to put the Gen back this stage its quite understandable cos it isnt so late and all.
On some days NEPA will be 'dilly dallying'...taking and bringing light at about 30secs intervals...still this guy will be up to either change over/turn off or put the Gen back on....gaddamn!!...I mean who da hell does that?
This whole on and off of the Gen goes on through out the night till the morning....phewww!!
Ok now tell me when this guy actually closes his damn eyes to sleep at I have no other choice but to conclude that he is a VAMPIRE!

*Maybe he even sucks blood in the privacy of his apartment sef...who knows?*

Did I also mention that he has to walk a distance to where his Gen is?...*nods head*....yes u heard right.

*or could it be he's a sleep-walker?...mmmmmmmm.....ohhh I don't knowwwwww*

There are times when I listen out for other ppl's Gen to also come on at odd hours but nope!..only this Vampire is up and abt making trips 2 his Gen and back.
The guy sef surely isn't scared of the dark or the fact that one 'ojuju calabar' will even come and catch him on one of his wa oooooo!!
Any time I don't hear the familiar shuffling to turn on his Gen then I know the guy has traveled or slept out that day.

Another thing is how this guy even knows when they bring light in the first place while he is asleep...there is the sound of that siren that goes off wen they bring light but Gen noise usually muffles the siren sound and a person fast asleep will hardly hear it...
Or is it that he installed that bulb that comes on when there is light in his bedroom?...the thing tire me ooo!

Mehn....that guy is really something else sha...not sleeping at night must be affecting him big time during the day.

Or beta still he shud just employ a personal Generator guy 2 do the on/off thingy for him or have they invented an automatic sensor thing that detects when NEPA brings or takes light and automatically notifies the Gen to come on or go off...or am I just jonzing?....the thing is so annoying abeg!!

Till my next post..... 

Saturday, 7 March 2015

My Husband and Kids

The lady that I usually buy Chicken from thinks I'm married with kids and I neva correct her.....why shud i? ...buhahahaha...lordy lord!.

When I go 2 buy Full Frozen Chicken from her and ask her to leave the Chicken Waist 'whole' instead of cutting it into 2 pieces... she always smiles and teases me that 'mmmmmm madam... always taking care of Oga...this your Oga dey enjoy oo'... thats assuming that I leave the waist un-cut for my darling 'husband' per good wife tinz....*yimu*. 

She doesn't know that the Chicken Waist is my fav part of the chicken (including the bumbum ofcos) I always leave that part big and whole so that I can demolish it seeing as I love things meaty.........husband ko...husband ni...lmao

She then proceeds to ask after my kids and I always chuckle and say 'oh my babies are fine my dear'..lolz.......dont worry im not spoiling my market...i highly doubt a Chicken Seller is capable of hooking me up with an eligible man....abi? I just love the thrill of our conversation is all.

You would think the fact that Im never wearing a ring weneva she sees me wud give her a hint that I aint married... but I guess dats cos a lot of married ppl don't even bother with rings anyway esp on a Sunday morning running errands sharpily.........that reminds me.....I need to do a post on 'Sunday Morning Market tinz' soon...aaaaaahhhhhhh yes!  
When I go 2 buy wings at Chicken Republic or chops at any Fastfood and I order a lot, I usually pass a comment abt how my babies love wings and how they will so be a bother without their cakes or pies...all dat just 2 cover up the fact that the excess food I'm buying is really just for one person...lmao.....yeh yeh yeh....I'm guilty!!!. Its not like anyone cares to know oooo but its just my guilty 'conco' (conscience) on overdrive *covers face*...

Iv been told its good to claim what you this is me claiming a wonderful Husband and Kids ooooo abeg...

Till my next post.......

Friday, 6 March 2015

Let's Talk Politics

Let's NOT!!!.......

Politcs is a BORE for me I'm afraid!


Till my next post......

Thursday, 5 March 2015

Some Dark Skinned Ladies Seriously Need To Take A Chill Pill...

Let me bash Dark Skinned Ladies (DSL) for once since some of them are always quick to blab abt Light Skinned Ladies (LSL) and their feeling of being superior!

'Some' Dark Skinned Ladies always play the victims when it comes to skin preference. Me I see it the other way round.

I feel Light Skinned Ladies are the real victims here!....yeh you heard ryt!!

Everywhere you hear 'insecure' DSL moaning and sulking that guys prefer light skinned babes just cos of the colour of their skin blah blah blah...oh plsssssss....its getting real boring...yawnsssssssss...

Some DSL with crazy low self esteem go as far as saying the typical....' Oh all LSL bleach' or ' they wudnt even be pretty one bit if they were dark skinned'....gooosh!!...really?

Why do DSL turn up their noses at LSL and even go as far as bashing? Besides the fact that sum ignorant females bleach..there are still a lot of naturally light skinned ones who inherited the skin colour from their ancestors abeg...whose fault is dat??.*smh*

So DSL.... I say enough of trying 2 make urselves feel better by picking on LSL just bcos that's what ignorant men prefer...why not go ahead and bash the men then and leave LSL alone 4 goodness sake! 

What's the fuss abt DSL and LSL sef? I have seen the blackest of babes happily Spoken For without a care in the world.....

DSL abeg all your soppy..pity pity stories needs to STOP! Throw ur insecurities out the window...'Beauty isn't graded by Skin Colour' you hear?...make person hear word!

Which one is now the #TeamLightskin vs #TeamDarkSkin again??....very laughable...lmao *speak 2 the hands*


Till my next post.....

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

The Cat Fish Battle

See ehhhhh...I used to 'carry last' when it came to eating Catfish with other people at an Eat-Out....I'm not talking abt Catfish pepper soup ooooo...I'm talking grilled Catfish...the type they prepare at joints with chips and coleslaw wrapped in a foil.......yes that type.
But I can sha craze for that fish ehhhhh...chai!..especially the 'head'..all the soft bones and juicy-yummy-goodness cooked up in the fish head....chaiiiii...OMG!

Anywayzzzz...when i'm hanging out and there's a automatically means the Catfish ration will be shortened...the thing can like to so vex me ehhhh and since each person can't order a fish 2 him/herself cos one person can't finish a whole one...we have no choice but 2 share.

Before before I used to do 'ajeburra' a.k.a 'too much forming' when the sizzling fish arrives...I wud normally start by picking and nibbling on the chips (that was wen I was still a leaner)....before u say Jack...half the fish is gone and I end up eating absolutely nothing cos the other grubbidos have devoured everything....these ppl don't even pause to chew and swallow before digging in again..once they fill their mouths, their fingers are back in for the next take....mstchewwwww!!

On one of such occasions, one of the guys pulled me aside and whispered a handy advice to me on how to tackle this whole Cat fish debacle.....he said 'Realness sweetie...shy matter no dey when it concern fish ....no1 cares how seductive you look chewing on the chips or how long you pause in btwn takes....infact they are glad you aint shortening their ration my dear'.....

So my dear brethren those days are well behind me. I have thrown all caution 2 the damn wind and made away with my 'shyness' or is it 'buttiness'?.....mehn iv decided 2 always win me a Catfish battle o jare.

Once the fish arrives like this ehhhh...I mark my territory by sitting up and opening the fish to allow air enter and cool it off (cos its usually oh so sizzling hot)...while I'm in this act...I'm preventing the other grobbidos from touching that particular area. Once I'm done opening up the fish (in a matter of seconds ofcos)...the digging in starts...I do the '3 in 1'...that is combining the Fish, Chips and Coleslaw I sha make sure I eat 2 my satisfaction...fuck whoeva's watching...iv been slacking for 2 long... now is my time 2 shine!

Disassembling the Catfish head is the best part for me...sucking on all the juice and yumminess ehhhhhh....*shivers* damn yummy...mmmmmm.

P.s- i only battle with the fish head when im in the midst of trusted certain kind of people. People i know are not capable of pouring sand sand in my garri....those that are used to taking my embarrassments and vice versa....u get me??

Till my next post..........

Sunday, 1 March 2015

My Beef with the Almighty 'Red Velvet Cake'

I don't know if you know this by now but Google is my BFF (Best Friends Forever), Best Buddy...Bestie...yeh we roll like that!

Why am I claiming Google? Bcos its just so efficient and it made getting proof for this my beef sooooo easy.

See ehhhhh, Iv always wandered what makes Red Velvet Cakes (RVC) so special that it makes Aa lot of people go gaga

Don't get me wrong, I love cakes....any kind actually, as long as it doesn't have those annoying Raisins or Fresh Fruits in/on them......Raisins are so are Mince Pies! *shudders* 

So i decided to google RVC recipe and compared at least 10 of them to find out what could possibly make RVC so distinct in taste from any plain o'l cake. The recipe was the usual cake ingredients..flour, eggs, milk, sugar...blah blah surprises there.. 

And then there's the 'Red colouring'!

Ok now I noticed the mixture of 'Cocoa Powder' and 'Vanilla flavour' in some recipes but that surely doesnt still restrict such a combination to just the RVC cos anyone can easily combined the Cocoa Powder and Vanilla without adding the red colouring and it wud still taste just like the RVC since the 'Red olouring' has NO taste!.........Shey u guys get me?

Its just like using a Pink or Blue colouring in cake batter and calling it 'Pink Turnup cake' or 'Blue bae cake'...the only remarkable difference being the colours while they both taste exactly the same.
People make it seem like there's a distinct taste assigned to just RVCs. Cake colourings arnt 'flavours' so they have NO taste unlike Chocolate or Strawberry flavours for example which actually have distinct tastes. Since there's no such thing as a 'Red Velvet Flavour' then wat makes it unique besides the colour?........grrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh!! 

It just confuses me joor! One wud think there was some kind of Red Stuff like a fruit or vegetable that provides its tastes like a Tomato or Beet Root....

Finally, RVC is just cake with a 'Red colour' and there's the cream frosting which can be used on any other kind of cake.

Ok, is it the 'velvety' look of the cake?....but all cakes look velvety anyway regardless of its colour....*rolling my eyes*

Till my next post.......

Saturday, 28 February 2015

OMG....You will never guess who called me last nyt....NO WAY!!

People from my past crawling back one by one in2 my life....mmmmmmm....woooow!!..
1st the this guy!!!

So I was chilling in my bed last nyt enjoying my 'me time' as usual and all of a sudden my phone rings. It was an international number from a country I once lived in. So I pick up and I'm like 'hello'...the caller says 'hello this is *inserts name*...I immediately went in2 shock mood....I was like 'which *inserts name* is this'?.. and by then I already recognized the voice.
As if by default I hung up..........
My phone rang again....
Me: hello
Caller: Hello its *inserts name*..
Me: oh network issues...sorry
Caller: no problem..
Me: woooooooooooooooooow....watsup? been a while! How r u? How did u get my number?
He went on to explain that he collected it from a mutual friend of ours who he ran into. We exchanged the hellos and did a lil catching up. Well all in all he said that he was coming 2 Naija and thot we shud hook up since he will be in my town for a while. So I'm like 'ooooooookkkkkkkk'! *side eye* totally weird!!
Its been like wat? 7yrs or so? And dis nigga just calls like we last saw yesterday....OMG!!

I'm still in shock you know cos I decided 2 bring this guys's matter here wen I started this blog and he JUST decided 2 call out of the blues...just like dat? *screams*. Now who wud have thot?

I doubt I'll hook up like he says wen he comes 2 naija....I don't know...I'll keep it open....hold up now....hold way in hell am I going 2 have 'anything' to do with a dumbass that disvirgined me without knowing....Oh Hell Noooo!!

I think I'm going to ask him the 'almighty question'.....if he is aware that he disvirgined me or not..... I just feel like I need closure on that issue...lmao...I don't want to be assuming jooor...I'll just point blank drop the question on him..thats if I have the

I'll let u guys know how it all goes down sha...

Till my next post....

Thursday, 26 February 2015

The Houseboy

I just ran in2 a guy I met about a couple of years ago or so and I just had 2 share his story with u guys.

Story story...storyyyyyyyyyyy....

So I was at Slot that year 2 get my phone repaired (can I mention how Slot charges crazy prices 2 repair phones which will most likely scatter the next day and when you take it back they request for more money.....bloody thieves!) 

Anywayszzzz, this guy who I noticed kept staring at me decided 2 finally approach me on my way out.
Just by the look of him, I could tell he was some kind of a Gym fanatic...he had rock-hard biceps, thick and I could tell some 6 pacs were hidden somewhere underneath his shirt...he was dark skinned and abt my height or a few inches shorter. I was really impressed and all. He asked 4 my number and begged 2 call me the next day after work.

After work the next day he called and asked to take me out for a drink and I said ok. He said he wud pick me up at a certain spot and described the car he was in...a black Range my mind I'm like okkkkk.....nice 'bod', cool and a nice ride 2 go with it...not bad at all! (1st time we met I didn't see him in any ride cos I had to leave before him). 

So I get 2 the spot...saw the ride as described and made my way 2 the passenger's side only 2 see this guy on the passenger seat with another macho hunky guy seated in the driver's seat. I just jejely retreated 2 the back seat. Did I mention how I hate when a guy brings a Tag-Along (TA) on a 1st date? annoying!! Not just any TA but one that owns the ride used 4 the date! It means that the TA can decide 2 leave with his ride at anytime during the date and my date and I will have to trek or jump bike or bus, keke or he might just have to give me a piggy back ride when its time 2 leave..*smh*.
I wasn't impressed one bit....but I took a deep breath and continued with the date. Now this TA was very good looking and smelt of money. My date was kinda quiet through out the ride and the TA was the talkative one, chatting me up and even flirting. It was really a weird situation 2 say the least. 
TA was the one that decided where we went to for drinks and you could tell he was the nigga 'incharge'.. as in Oga tinz!

We get to the spot and guess wat? My mumu of a date ran off to adjust our table in such a way that it wud suit us while the TA stood aside playing with his Iphone... my date then pulled out TA's chair for him to sit, handed him the menu when the waiter brought it and let TA decide what we were having. The guy didn't even pull my chair out for me to sit......can u imagine??? Even a dummy would know by now that my date was a HOUSEBOY

This was totally new to me cos normally, I always date the BOSS not the houseboy....I'm used to the house boys tagging along and attending to all my needs while the Boss pampers me and all.....but in this situation, I felt like the 'Gateman's wife'....chai!! life! *smh*
As if the embarrassment wasn't enough, when the drinks arrived my date sharpily stood up to open drinks, he didn't even open mine 1st, he picked up TA's and opened it and to my greatest surprise proceeded to pour out TA's beer for him into a glass cup b4 handing it over to him.....OMG!! *shiverrrrrsssss*
I just sat in amazement and looked on........ 
Through out this date TA would send my date 2 the car or 2 get the waiter or some random errand like dat....I even started thinking that maybe my date brought me as a prize token for TA bcos TA was trying 2 have a full blown conversation with me while my date quietly sat back...buhahaahhahaha...I can't deal.........lmao.........seriously???
Well I endured it cos hell I needed the free drinks and a bit of relaxation after a long day at work.... know-amin??
So that date ended there and then.......phewww....

Fast forward to 2day, I was about to enter a shop I normally buy Philippine series from and a guy in a ride was hollering at me, I turned and he pointed for me to please come...not wanting to be rude cos ppl were everywhere....I made my way to the ride cos I thought it might be one of my relatives or friends and the only way I wud really see the face in the car was if I go closer cos I'm short sighted and all. Did I mention that the person hollering at me was in d back seat? Ok .......*not OgaTinz kinda back seat ooo*......
I approach the car and it was my former mumu date from way back when.....I pretended like I didn't know him and said hi...after much hesitation he said he would call me after they pack the car assuming I still remembered him from way back. I said ok and quickly switched off my fone and disappeared. No way!

Ladies and gentlemen...the front seats of the car were occupied by none other than Mr TA himself and a babe........ with my former date at the back seat like a timid child...TYPICAL!!!!
I'm sure he had to plead and beg TA before he even stopped the ride 2 holler at me in the first in ehhhhhhh!!

A houseboy that hasn't upgraded in almost 2years got no potentials in my book I'm afraid!!


P.s- this was supposed to be part of my awkward dates posts but I guess it skipped my mind!

Till my next post........

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

My 1st 'interview' experience......''The Americana''

I actually saw this one advertised in the 1st copy of the Guardian newspaper i'v ever bought in my entire life some weeks ago (I'm not a newspaper kinda girl)... It said something in the line of ''Customer service/Telemarkers earn a starting salary of 90k per month. No experience required as training will be provided...come with a copy of your CV and the address was stated with a telephone number''...(a begger really has no choice abi?)...
Now the Company name wasn't stated on the advert so I really had nothing to I called one of the numbers attached and a lady picked up. I asked for the company name and she hesitated before saying I should just come in the next day between 10-12pm...I requested the company's name again and she mumbled something I didn't hear. I sha didn't want to persist and just made up my mind to go see what it was all about since I have previous Customer Service and telemarketing job experiences from my part time jobs selling Double glazing in the University.

I picked out a nice top and skirt, polished my shoes, adjusted my CV to suit the position requested and reminded myself of the roles required for the position.

I woke up bright and early the next day and off I went, all the while crossing my fingers and hoping it wasn't a waste of my time.

Their office space was in some kind of Plaza outlet but everything seemed Ok on entering their allocation. I met about 6 other people seated and waiting for the same interview....I eyed my competitors and thought they gat nada on me babey! Nothing!
I signed in and seated 2 wait my turn. As I sat, I immediately caught sight of fresh thighs in front of me...they were that of the receptionist. This babe wore a gadamnnn mini skirt with some razz top and heels....I was embarrassed for her...obviously this company had no policy regarding appearance if this sight is supposed to represent a 1st impression for the company. Not only was her skirt way high above her knees but the make up and hair was story for another my invisible rating score board I marked the company 4/10 based off of 1st impression.

Anywayzzzz, it came my turn and I was shown in to a lady wearing about 16 bundles on full wavy human hair...must be a competition up in this joint mehn!!
So I immediately started selling my self as per person wey get plenty experience and needs no interview but an acceptance letter sharpily.....*slow down Realness...slowwww dowwnnnn now!

The lady with the fizzy hair explained that they are a Telemarketing company and blah blah blah....So basically...this job wasn't actually a was a training programme!! The company actually trains you to become a telemarker with a course that runs for 2 weeks after which you get a certificate and a 100% job guarantee in companies such as MTN, Glo...telecom companies sha..*yimu*
She kept on emphasizing on the fact that the company brings in 'American' expertraites to do the training and the 'Americans' will teach you how to speak with an American accent...buhahahahaa. chai! I immediately burst out laughing..I cudnt hold it in yoooo..she had a look like 'what is this bitch laughing at'? I calmed my self down and asked why a Nigerian company would want ppl with American accent manning their will an average Nigerian understand what da bloody hell I'm saying in a 'American accent'? If they wanted to teach an accent or shud probably be 'pidgin English or Igbo, Yoruba or Hausa' so that the common Nigerian will easily understand...lmaooooo. Of cos she had no answer for seriously? Was the 'American' this and that supposed to impress me? Was that their selling point?....ignorance!!!

The lady then turns her laptop for me to read through more info on the my mind I was like, what is it I have to read that you haven't told me already ehhhhh?...mmmmm...So I'm reading and reading and seeing numbers of trainees they've had and their success stories and what was actually right up my alley...just 2weeks training and a!

So I scroll down to the final page and BAM!!...the 'catch'...
See ehhh...I know there was no way in hell getting a job could be this easy...I was already settling my mind that patapata it wud be a marketing which I'll just say 'thank you' and walk away....I will make a terrible Marketer...I lack the patience for such and I can't imagine kissing filthy asses just 2 meet a target...hell, I can't even convince myself to do a lot of things not 2 talk of someone marketing was really a no no for sir! I digress....

So the last page had a fee ladies and gentlemen...N73,000 for 2 weeks training plus a certificate worth another N10,000 in order to be '100% guaranteed a job'
She must have noticed my expression which she must have been used to seeing by now on faces reacting to that 'last page' she quickly added that for today alone I'm only required to pay N43,000 as a promo that ends today...trained by 'Americans'......uuuhhh laaalaaa!!.....mayb she was expecting me 2 breathe a sigh of relief seeing as she just saved me a whooping 30k and 

So that wud be N53,000 (+10k certificate fee) as opposed to the initial 83k....*cue in 'jumping 4 joy' emoji*...yimuest!

Collecting money from an umemployed person instead of offering it.......

What did I decide 2 do next?
Oya wait I'll be back with a reply.....*snooze fest*....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Till my next post.........

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

My job hunting experience so far....

So since my wicked employers decided it was time I become a worthless sacrifice to Boko Haram, I decided to save my pretty head oooo jare.......patapata I'll use my little savings 2 start hawking pure water, car charger or cleaning wind shields in traffic...

Well i'v fully embarked on my job hunting expidition and thus far i'v registered to job sites for help. 
Let me tell u ehhhh...its a whole different ball game when someone who has been in employment for years suddenly isn't anymore. It took me a couple of days to recuperate. 
1st...waking up in the mornings and staying home for days and days is driving me bonkers. Feels like the twitching and convulsion will soon set in and all....gooooshhhh!!.

So iv been buying Tuesday Guardian newspaper and sourcing out jobs suitable for me. There are the ones that will ask for you to send your qualifications and blah blah to a certain number for an instant job....*rolling my eyes*

Of cos I now know better than I did since I started job hunting. About 70% of jobs i'v applied for happen to send me texts within 24hours inviting me to come for a briefing or training at so and so location the next day...some will even go as far as congratulating me on my immediate job offer and excellent salary package..*as per President's daughter that I am...getting special treatment tinz*........*yimu*
Infact let me copy and paste samples of texts I get...........

**You have been shortlisted for a post of UNIT MANAGER in MPG Resources @ 161, Ikorodu Rd, Onipanu B/Stop Opposite Eco Bank on Fri. 06/02/15 by 9AM. CAREER 0131** 

**M.G.Resources invites you for an Aptitude test/briefing@ 161,Ikorodu rd,Onipanu B/stop.Beside Lanre Shittu Motors,FRI,20/02/15 by 9am,08033033399**


**You are invited for an interview with MRC on Wed. 11/2/15, by 2pm at 2nd floor, 343 Agege Motor Road, Challenge B/Stop Mushin Lagos. Adm:UN003C/HR:08185117920 **

Being a novice in job hunting in Naija, I screamed for joy the first time I got one of these texts (the 1st one I pasted)...infact I started announcing that I had an interview to attend the next day for a post of Unit in I was feeling like the chosen one....imagine applying one time and getting interview the next day..*pops collar....big girlz tinzzz...holla*

So being that nobody had ever heard of the company that sent me the text and I needed directions to the location of my million dollar job, I decided to call the phone number attached to the text for directions and all..
A guy picked the call sounding like I woke him from his slumber. I told him I got a text from this number and needed to know the kind of company it was as I have filled a lot of applications, some I cant even remember. The guy hesitated and told me to just be there tomorrow as long as I got the text. I persisted but he kept dodging the question, so I hung up. All my excitement just fizzled out and something told me things weren't adding up...reputable companies wudnt send you these kind of text messages in the 1st I decided to try my bestie 4 life 'google'. I searched the mentioned company and voila! All I saw was Scam Scam Scam!!! I clicked on the one associated with Nairaland and got all the answers I was looking for. There was already a thread going on where novices like me pasted the exact same text and asked if it was real and just like that all my hope was a confam cry baby that I am, I took a couple of minutes to shed tears...oh how embarrasing......the thread on Nairaland confirmed such texts were scams. There was even a text that required I bring N1000 along to the briefing. 

I'm really grateful for the internet and my darling google. Infact immediately I get an email or text for and interview now i'm straight onto google to check out the company and its authenticity before I dare make a move..

So my brothers and sisters ehhhhh...its really an eye opener for me in this job hunting phase. I'm still learning.

P.s- In order not 2 make this post a novel, I'll just break down my job hunting experiences ranging from the interviews iv attended so far and the Alhajis from connections i made from my previous  job asking 2 pay money in2 my account to come for a visit and discuss my job issue...buhahahahahahahhah...I can't deal yoooo...

P.p.s- incase you are wondering how I got my previous job without hunting...let's just say it was practically dropped on my lap.......this time OYO is my case.

 Till my next post...

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Guess what!!

Been years I know! lol

A lot... and I mean a loooooooottttt has happened within this past week...mmmmm......

Where do I start?.....and NO neither Dan nor Ken took me to the North Pole to propose with the biggest rock ever liveth....No...none of that happened me mates....wud have been nice thou but no...didn't happen. Sorry 2 disappoint you guys o jare!

So the monitoring spirits and 'bad belles' from my village are finally making progress...chai! They have almost succeeded ooooooo. They have probably discovered a high ranking Native Doctor somewhere, provided him with one of my panties on request which he then sniffed before dipping in a clay pot full of juju herbs and spiders amidst chants....and guess what? luckily worked!!...chai...I am finished ooooooo!!

Story story storyyyyyyyyyy....

So I went to work the other day and I got a letter!!....Hold Up..wait a minute....NOT a love letter seeing as Valentines day is right around the corner....nope!

My sisters and Brothers I got a TRANSFER LETTER...

You are probably wondering by now why I'm acting all these drama seeing that I'm a single babe with no kids to take care of or a husband's chest to what's the big deal in being transferred sef? least you will enjoy your freedom abi? Well if those were your line of thoughts then you are thinking very well my dear BUT there is more. Now if I was transferred to Calabar or where else is far sef?...mmmm..*thinking* Benue state?...well u sha catch my drift...if it was somewhere like those places, I'll probably get ready in 5mins and zoom off to the airport with a spring in my step...oh yessss!

But I was transferred to the NORTH....yeh you read that right. I'm not talking abt Kano or some other safe zones (is Kano even safe sef?) but I was transfered to the heart of Boko Haram. One of the main states that has been and still is under attack...*rolling eyes*...oya tell me this is not the work of my enemies? *smh* It just has to be...there is an invisible hand in all this...chai! Or wait...did I offend any Oga at the top? But then again it can't be that bcos majority of us were affected....

See ehhhhh...I don't have skills in dodging bombs ooooo....I don't!

On this note I leave you to digest this info abeg...its not fair jor!

Till my next post...

Saturday, 31 January 2015

Get yours, don't you dare touch mine!

You know when you are out and you order something 2 eat and the guy you are with says he doesn't want anything 2 eat. Then when your yummy meal arrives, he has the guts 2 dip his bloody fingers in2 your food.......oh hell noooooooooooooo!!
This also applies 2 ladies as well ofcos.

Why say you are not hungry but want to share mine when it arrives? That's just fucking annoying....arrrgggghhhhhhh!! 
See ehhh....I have no problem sharing food or none of that....but why pretend like you don't eat or that you are watching what you eat or you don't have enuff money 2 pay for 2 plates of food but go ahead to shorten my ration? *rolling eyes* 
Me I don't have shame in that department. If a guy or anyone I'm out with says he/she doesn't want food when I'm ordering, I normally turn to them and ask 'are u really sure you don't want anything'?...when the answer is 'No' and the waiter leaves I look them straight in the eyes with a mean mug and tell dem that they better not touch my food and it isn't a joke...then I keep the stare for abt 5secs longer b4 turning away! Badass!! 
Most times the other person calls back the waiter and places an order for fear of what I might they simply try hard 2 ignore my food wen it comes. For those that think the warning is all a joke and still go ahead to dig in...I simply move my plate closer to my self and form a shield. Wateva it stingy or you sabi!!

Get yours...leave mine the hell alone!!

Till my next post...

Saturday, 24 January 2015

Parents that take their kids to 'Joints' a.k.a 'Beer parlours'

A lot of changes are happening in my life right now and they are not so good news but I can't talk abt them now.. that's why I don't really blog in 'real time' so that monitoring spirits will not fish me'm going to blog abt these happenings but I'll just give it a space of weeks or months lol..iv already thought it out...

Anywayzzzzzz...dats by the way..

Story story storrrrrryyyyyyy....

So I was out the other night with the same guy dat took me 2 the strip club, this guy obviously loves going to places where girls shake their 'bum bum'...well it was a joint with the obvious very loud music, scantily dressed girls, alcohol, chops, smokers everywhere and a live band with 3 girls in crop-tops and extremely tight leggings gyrating to the music. Lets just say it was an ADULT scene..
We were well into it for about an hour when a couple walked in with their kid who looked abt 2years old. Did I mention that it was some minutes to 10pm? Yep...u heard right!

The couple with their kid took a seat very close to the gyrating 'bum bums' and mega speakers....but dats not even d issue here....ladies and gentlemen the issue here is that this couple felt it was appropriate to bring their child to such a place, shudnt dis baby be fast asleep at that time? Arnt kids supposed to be in bed by 7pm? Na wa oooooo! You might say, a 2yrs old isn't aware of happenings around him but besides d 'bum bums', what abt the smoke inhalation or the eardrum bursting music?...ehen you see?
Iv seen this happen a number of times in this country when I go out at night to very private ADULT hangouts! I try to find reasons for this but I just can't. Sometimes I see older kids within the ages of 7-14 come with their parents...such kids are obviously aware of their surroundings, hearing nasty music and seeing vibrating bumbums isn't just appropriate. Yeh they might already see such on TV and on the internet when their parents arnt there but I feel its wrong when parents intentionally take their kids to places were alcohol and cigarette, weed or wateva smoking is flying no no...smh

Kids entertainment I believe should be done before 6pm but if its a late dinner then a restaurant is O.k. There are truck loads of eateries in this country....chai I'm dreaming of Domino's Pizza and Coldstone ice cream...shiverrrssss...I actually ate a whole medium sized extraveganza Pizza and red velvet, vanilla, coconut and oreo topping ice cream combo in a chocolate topped cone some nights ago...goooooosssssshhhhh! I enjoyed it ehhhh!! I just crept in2 my room, triple bolted the door and dug in while undressing! Chai... I enjoyed it was a free meal and I don't like disappointing ppl by rejecting an offer...I really don't like hurting ppl's feelings so I accepted the free meal, *yimu*....good news is that I'm still trying to lose weight sha...yehhhh 4 me!!...

Sorry I digressed..

Ok, as I was saying.. It irks me to see parents come to 'joints' at night sometimes by 11pm with their kids!! Wat da hell? Lmaoooooo...I just remebered one occasion like dis ehhh, I was hanging out on a weekend around that kind 9pm and a couple sat at the next table....they had a baby who was abt 8months old or so and a housegirl was with them too (I assumed it was their housegirl cos her hair was in low cut, smallish and wearing a housegirl-ish dress attending to d baby's needs)... I laughed so hard wen d housegirl started shaking her body slowly to the music and even singing along in a low voice, it was so funny bcos she kept 'checking herself out' like when a fine babe is making sure she looks fab cos a guy somewhere is checking her out!! Sorry but it was 2 funny....I screamed with laughter..lmao

I still sha don't agree with kids being exposed to loud music, smoking, alcohol, scantily dressed ladies and even guys smooching their babes in public at ungodly hours...that's why its called Adult time. Leave ur babies at home with your housegirls or relatives and don't step out at night if no one is available 2 mind the kids....Its just irresponsible in my book.

Till my next post...

Tuesday, 20 January 2015


Met this babe during NYSC camp and we clicked.. maybe cos of the whole IJGBs (I just got back) she lived abroad as well.

We became quite close even after we left service.

Fast forward to about a year and a half later, she called me that she was engaged. I had already left the state which we served by then but she still lived there so I didn't know who the guy was since she was dating another guy last I heard.

I was very happy for her and ofcos asked her for all d details. Where they met, how and where he proposed, where he is from, his age, where he worked and what he looked like. She gave me his name and asked me to check him out on facebook. I quickly rushed 2 FB and checked him out. He was ok looking and short compared to the other people in his pics. After checking him out I sent him a friend's request as per my new brother in-law tinz.

My brothers and sisters..some hours later she called me and said she saw the friend's request I sent. I said to who? She said she has her fiance's FB password and she saw my request. Her tone alone sef ehhhhh just shocked me. This babe was practically accusing me of something. I asked what her point was and she said she doesn't want her friends being FB friends with her husband and I shudnt have sent any re

Chai!!quest and that her mother adviced her on such and blah blah per warning.

Insult!!............... Tufia!

See ehhh.. All d time I had known this girl, I don't believe I had shown signs of boyfriend snatching. For the fact that she believes my sending a Friend's request to her man means something else then our way of thinking was actually on two opposite ends.
Or it cud be that her fiance has shown signs of philandering...I can't tell.

This same babe had actually dated someone that was after me while we were serving, although she didn't meet d guy while he was toasting me, but the guy told her he knew me wen he saw she and i together. Its not even snatching in anyway but that's the closest we've eva got to dating the same guy even thou I didn't date him.

You get my drift?

Wat now warranted dis babe to even think that I wud involve in some FB craziness with her man??..buhahahahahahahaha...I don suffer.
My dear ppl if I describe this her husband ehhhhh...d guy is ok looking but not even anywhere near my spec. First of, he is shoulder height-ish... and he is light skinned (which im not a fan of)...this babe knew my spec down 2 the T so what entered her brain 2 think that a simple friends's request will turn in2 a full blown romance with her husband for that matter...a fucking midget!! Smh

That whole stuff pissed me off ehhhhh..

But guess what...I still bought aso ebi, paid tailor, made my hair, traveled to the East to attend her traditional marriage. I had to put up a front and just go although I had already made up my mind on what to do.

Wen I got back to my town I cancelled that friendship. It felt like nothing, if someone I consider a true friend could think a FB request means snatching her midget then that's not friendship in my that I hardly have friends sef.....mstcheww..

She called me to be her maid of honour for her white wedding and expected me to buy dress, hair, flight ticket to & fro, hotel accommodation, feeding and the lot after accusing me....she must have lost her damn mind. I can go all out for someone's event but not when you cease to mean anything to me or worse insult me...gaddammmmmnn!! No way!
I told her I won't be coming cos I won't be in the country then......this was said without any malice whatsoever....good riddance..

All contact has since been lost and I could hardly care less......thats one less stress for me o jare..

Till my next post......

Saturday, 17 January 2015

Ken finally came in2 town..

If u don't know who Ken is kindly click here..

Moving on...

I got a call from Ken out of d blues after the 'first 2 call game' he was playing with himself.

He called and told me he was in town and I was like 'OK, enjoy urself'.

He pinged later and repeated it.. maybe thinking I'll be jumping for joy but I didn't reply..he got angry dat I didn't reply and said 'Bye' and I replied with 'Goodnyt'...

Later in d evening he called again and asked me 2 come see him after work and I decided 2 go. If nothing but 2 tell him a piece of my mind and end things. This guy is so full of himself.

Wen I got der, we immediately got in2 a heated argument. I listed out all d rubbish he has done like not caring, not calling, not coming to see me after so long, making excuse 4 me not 2 visit him and the fact dat he is STINGY!!
Did I mention that he smelt so good 2? I have a weakness for guys that smell good...u know dat manly cologne-smell....*inserts inlove smile* I digress....

Well, he tried 2 defend himself on all count but d stingy bit I threw in nearly knocked him out. He denied it and tried 2 recall ever giving me money but failed. I cud tell he felt d pain I felt after I recounted all his sins. Next thing he asked me 2 forward my account number 2 his fone and I did so faster than d speed of light lol. He placed a call 2 his manager and instructed him on wat 2 do.

I'm still sha waiting 4 an alert...

Ken spent d whole time trying 2 come on2 me or is it seduce me? You guys know wat men do naa...mayb he thought it wud lighten my mood..(It did oooo..infact I was even enjoying it sef but trust me I used all my might 2 push him away in pretence..lmao..I gats 2 front na abi??)....anywayzzz, he kept pleading dat he will change and I kept on telling him dat after d 'shege' he showed me, I'm not interested in him again...I threw in a bucket of waterworks 2 emphasize the fact that he hurt me bad. U shud hav seen me crying dat I deserved better than what he had 2 offer...hehehehehe...chai!

He kept saying 'baby girl u are my girlfriend and I promise that things will change, just wait and see'...
Then as if led by the spirit..i threw all caution 2 d wind, looked him str8 in d eye and told him dat I'm done with bullshit...I'm in my late 20s and I want to settle down..fuck it....I want 2 get married!...mmmmm....those words rarely come out from my mouth cos I try 2 hide my desperation most times lol... I needed something 2 either scare him away or make him serious.

He responded by saying he also wants d same thing and I shudnt worry blah blah blah.....

Words mean nothing 2 me.....action does..

Let's just say dis visit really confused me. I don't even know wat I'm doing anymore. Keeping two men and leading dem on..but I also don't have a reason 2 shooo any of dem away. My intention was 2 end all with Ken but he showed a different side of him that got me thinking. He also mentioned that he spoke 2 his mum who adviced him 2 pay more attention 2 me and make me feel special. Wateva!

I'm just going 2 leave things like dis, both Dan and Ken have their good and bad qualities and I will have 2 just go with whoever makes the more serious move...

Let's see how it goes sha...

Till my next post..

Friday, 16 January 2015

My name is Realness and I'm an addict....

They say the 1st step in overcoming an addiction is 2 admit it..but in this case I DO NOT want a cure 4 dis particular addiction.. not bcos I'm deceiving myself but bcos it isn't a do or die.

I am addicted 2 MEAT!

Yes meat!..of any kind except ofcos snake or dog or frogs or any other weird animals.
As long as its beef, mutton, chicken, duck, turkey, pomo, shaki, roundabout, liver, kidney, heart, intestine, pork...u name it I will eat.

If I was presented with a plate of Jollof rice plus 2 pieces of meat vs a plate of 10 pieces of assorted meat...I will choose d later without a blink of an eye.

I also love Sea, octopus, squid, mussles, d lot!!....anything fleshy and edible..I'm game.
The way I crave meat ehhhhh...sometimes I just fantasize abt it and if I need it and can't have it...the twitching and convulsion just kidding.

Sometimes I just boil/grill chicken, plenty of it and keep in d fridge for snacking. I cant really go a day without my meat.
If I'm ordering food at work, there has to be at least 4 pieces of meat and a fish with like N50 rice just for the sake of it.

Since I eat meals very high in protein and less carbs, why den doesn't the weight disappear? *sobs*

My meat addiction is one which I enjoy being addicted 2. Its an acceptable addiction..

Till my next post...

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Goat blood was yummy!!

When we were younger and slaughter a Goat during festivities, the blood was usually poured into the Goat skin, held 2geda with an intestine or was it a piece of string?..can't remember.
It was then boiled till it dis point, the colour turns from blood red to a dark red.
It was then removed from the skin cover, allowed to cool and cut into pieces which would then be used as part of d ngwongwo aka orisirisi aka assorted meat in preparing isi ewu (goat-head delicacy).

Hold up.....I know some of you are probably puking right now or squeezing up your faces in una sabi jare..never condemn till u try it. Tasting is believing.

The thing is that boiled Goat blood in isi ewu... massaged with that finger licking sauce tasted just like meat and you wudnt even know the difference.

Its not as if the blood is consumed in its raw form...wateva was sha tasty. The thought of it now is soooo yuckyyyyy sef...ewwwwwwwww!!

Would I be caught dead trying it again? Maybe.....Yes! lol.

Feel free to use the above recipe....don't worry i wont charge...buhahahahahhahha...

Till my next post....

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

My Relationship Status

I went on a date last night and yes I know there's the Surest boy Dan, the annoying Ken who I have put on 'pause'.........can u imagine this Ken thinks I'm here waiting for him and weneva his little brain finally wants 2 settle down, he will press my button and I will jump? He is on a longgggggggg tin...dat guy is dense sha!
Plan C has been terminated unfortunately..... he didn't pass d test. Bye bye Plan C..

Since I haven't been officially proposed to, I consider myself SINGLE and available 2 mingle. No1 and I repeat NO ONE can stop me till u get serious and claim me joor! I am off d market once I get the rock...till den...yawnzzzzz..zzzzzzzzzz!!

Dating tires me out and bores the fuck out of me. All that giggling and pretence, trying 2 please...(not from my end obviously). I was very bored joor and needed liquor in my system 2 distract me from d day's activities, so I agreed 2 d date. And cos I knew I wud get d best of everything cos dats just how 1st dates go, d guy wud want 2 impress and buy u expensive wine and food 2 show off. I might as well enjoy it abi?. On d second date its either u meet in his house or a hotel 2 compensate 4 d expensive Champagne and food. Afterall nothing comes 4 free.
Ofcos I wudnt have gone if Dan was in town....just out of respect oooo...wudnt want distractions wen I'm trying 2 eat my catfish pepper soup or isi ewu...noooooooo sir!!!..

Let me tell u, if any1 asks if I'm committed, I always say NO (which is d truth)...why wud I want 2 block my future husband or pour sand sand inside my gari?.....for wat na? I dey mad? What if dis person wants me or wants 2 hook me up nko for sharp sharp marriage tinzzzz?..abeg ooo. I'm very open minded as it is.

P.S- Dan speaks Spanish as well as Igbo ofcos. I love it wen he starts a message with Halo Amo or Te amo or Mi amo or however d hell u spell dem Spanish words. (I wud rush 2 google translator 4 d meanings ofcos) Its so so sweet........ BUT since wen has Sweetness or Spanish got someone to the Alter or supplied 100 tubers of yam as per part of bride price list ehhhh?..msctewwwwwww!!

Infact I'm pissed............

Monday, 12 January 2015

Seat Belt Palava!!

Oh been so so so busy and all, this nonsense job with its annoying salary is taking up my time. Infact I'm on d hunt 4 a new one sef. I shud b able 2 spend a weekend in Malta or Turkey at least once a month if thats what I fancy....don't roll ur eyes...its possible guys!


Ladies and gentlemen, we have a seat belt issue in dis nation.

See ehh........ once I enter a car and my yansh touches d seat, my hand automatically goes 2 d seat belt by default. Sometimes I don't even know when I do it. Its like reflex, I can't control it. My system has been programmed in such a way that cars and seat belts go hand in hand. Sometimes I get a stare and a giggle and of cos d famous line ''but you are just going down d street why wear your seat belt''?............ I'm like 'huh'?
So seat belts are now for wen you r going far or on d express road? Bloody ignorant..*eyes rolling'*
Whenever I get such a comment and I have d time or I'm in a good mood I take a deep ass breath and do my mini lecture.
I'm speaking abt dis now cos same thing was said 2 me last night..imagine!

Storry story storrryyyyyy..................Ok I'm kidding... no story 2day..hehehehehe. I just like saying that 'tales by moonlight' story story stuff. Good ol' memories ehhh..

A seat belt is a safety device that acts as a human protector in reducing injury or death against harmful movements such as a minor or major accident.

So my brothers and sisters, you cud just be driving around your quiet boring neighbourhood and a lunatic could just slam you from behind or you lose control. Dats an accident. It could happen anytime, anywhere even at your doorstep.

 Even wen I'm in a commercial bus, d conductor will rake about wearing d seat belt only wen a road official is sighted...There was a time I sat in front of a bus and buckled my belt as per normal, when we had gone past some road officials, d conductor started unbuckling my seat belt for me as if he was doing me a favour! Imagine! As if trying 2 say 'hey sister u r free now, no1 is watching..u can now take d shackle off...... pop champagne if u may'.. Smh*
Wat about d buses with the non functioning seat belts...... the ones tied 2 the opposite end and all u have 2 do is bend ur kneck to get into it....its so tight to the point of choking........ or the ones that have a faulty buckle and all you have to do is cross it over and let it rest on you like it is actually buckled......all these in effort to deceive the road officials.......buhahahahahahhaha..I can't yo..

It takes seconds 2 buckle up and it also takes nothing from you. I know death is inevitable but can we just do the little we can if possible 2 postpone it? lol..I know..

P.s- Dis is not a seat belt advert or none.......i really wish!!

Till my next post..........................

Thursday, 8 January 2015

This guy at work that does NOTHING!!!

So like i said b4, we've had some goings-on happening at work. Some reshuffling and terminations.

Quite a few people were terminated including some who were of Management level and have been with the company for 10-15 yrs.
These terminations came unannounced and it shook everyone. Almost all d people that had to go had major day to day roles in building the Org.....

But this ONE guy wasn't terminated.......

See eh.... dis guy comes to work around 11am while every other person resumes at 8am, he just strolls in and sits by d reception area. His designation is Patrol Officer. He would then step out occasionally to have breakfast, lunch and a bit of a stroll to stretch his legs. He is back again on his seat, gists a little, looks into space, reads the day's newspaper and dozes off a couple of times.

Closing time is 6pm but the guy leaves around dat kind 3pm.

Now u would think that this guy will be one of the first people to receive a letter seeing as he is jobless...but NO he didn't get anything. Infact, the management doesn't even discuss him, as in complain that he does nothing and is not useful. Its like there is a code or something not to talk about him. I just don't understand. Is it that he has some kinda connection up in d food chain... Someone  with a 'high rank' like a relative that just wants him to leave d house everyday and earn a salary?

That's the only explanation i can give this situation. Anybody iv asked is lost just like i am.....mmmm

Till my next post..............

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

My RITUAL-ISTIC experience..

I DO NOT believe in Rituals, Juju, Magic and d lot!

I don't believe that someone will actually kill a virgin or whoever, stick d body in a clay pot or wardrobe..chant a few bullshit and voila!! D body turns in2 money!! Buhahahahahahhaah...chai!! Chai!!

'Living in Bondage' ehh..I hail thee. If u r a Nigerian and havnt watched the movie 'Living in Bondage' den u r slacking my darling. For non Nigerians, 'Living in bondage' is one of the 1st Nigerian movies abt d evil of man...its was about a struggling guy who re-connected with an old rich friend and dis friend introduced him 2 d source of his riches..Rituals!!. The struggling guy 'Andy' was asked 2 sacrifice his pretty wife 'Merit' in exchange 4 wealth. Andy being d airhead dat he was chose 2 sacrifice his wife, got rich and d nightmares began. Things went downhill from der on...
I used 2 b so scared of dat movie ehhhh.. D rituals part and wen Merit his dead wife appeared as a ghost 2 taunt him...I had nightmares!

Well.. As a grown ass woman now, nothing can convince me dat some magic or juju can turn a human in2 way!!

I don't believe in Juju and magic.. Dey r just things of d mind. One of d popular ones is wen u pick or touch something on d ground and u automatically turn in2 a yam or goat! real The one abt ppl dat can command rain..hahahahahahah... Abegi..*rme* story 4 d gods!
Der are stories of housegirls turning in2 Pythons, appearing and disappearing or the ones that come from d underworld (Dyesebel Mermaid Tinz) lolzzzzzz...
Wat abt d almighty 'Spirit husband'....ppl dat believe all dis crap neva seem 2 amaze me. IGNORANCE!!
Magic is just a well calculated trick! Shikena!

I had a ritualistic experience once that freaked d hell out of me..Let's just say it shook my bones...Shiverrrrrrrrrrssssssss!!

Story story stooorrrryyyyyy................

 During my service year I met a lot of guys besides Emeka, there was dis Politician. We became friends, hung out now and then. I'm talking abt an older guy dat was obviously looking 4 young blood.
One day he asked 2 come pick me up around 7pm so I can accompany him 2 check up on his construction site which was abt 2 hrs drive or so away. As a bored Copper dat I was, I jumped at d road trip offer.
We drove and drove and drove..drove and drove some more..His driver was actually driving..abt an hour later we turned off d express road into an untarred dis point I was so enjoying d trip..fully AC'd car and things 2 munch in d car...I was more dan relaxed.

Abt 20 mins later we turned off d untarred road into d BUSH... It was abt 9pm by now and everywr was pitch black. I immediately shook off my enjoyment mood and sat d hell up. I looked at dis Politician guy beside me and asked why we have to use a bush 2 d site and dis maga said 'are u afraid? Do u think I want to use u to do rituals??''...see question...oh SHIT!! I almost threw heart practically stopped. Tears started flowing and I started saying 2 myself 'so dis is how I will end ehhhh'?? Just like dis?? Y didn't I just sit at home and wallow in my boredom oooo..who send me it by force 2 follow man?. I even went as far as 2 swear dat if I'm spared dis night, I will neva say hi 2 a human with balls again and I will go 2 church everyday and remain thankful. The guy saw d pannic in me and laughed dat evil buhahahahahha-laughter....dis guy was taunting me and I cried harder. As we made a turn..guess wat I saw next...deep inside d bush der was a well lit wooden house, a group of men sat on benches inside and each wore a red and white robe and things like candles were lit all around...Shitttttt!! Coincidence?? I almost thing I knew as if by default, I reached for my door handle while d car was still in motion and pulled d door open while dat stupid man was still laughing at me...the driver immediately turned back wen he heard d door open and stepped on his brake...I made to dive out of dat nonsense AC'd least if I roll off I can quickly regain my strength and run as fast as my body can carry me in2 d bush and far away...
Wen d driver actually stopped, I thought d guys in d wooden house will immediately run out with ropes 2 tie me up and put me up 4 sacrifice courtesy The dis guy wants 2 use me as sacrifice 2 gain power for his political ambitions?...I AM FINISHED!!

As I was making 2 dive head first out d car, d Politician held me back and I fought him off with all my might..I became a Crouching Tiger hidden Dragon. The driver cudnt believe wat was going on and kept asking me 2 calm down. Politician guy pulled me back in, shot the door and off we continued on our journey....
I was visibly trembling and wailing without shame, my eyes were blood shot. Dis was a near death experience for me....just d panic alone cud have taken my breath away...mmmmmmmm.....

Politician was amazed at my action and stopped laughing.. D man cudn't believe I thought he wanted to use me 4 Rituals..he became so angry and wen we reached d construction site, he told everyone der wat happened and dey laughed so hard...imagine these unsympathetic Pigs....mschewwwwww!

 Long story short...I cut all contact with Politician b4 joke go turn real one day..not on my behalf abeg!! Wat rubbish!!

P.S- but wat were those guys really doing in d bush in d middle of d night wearing a red and white uniform. There was no TV or bottles, dats assuming it was a Beer Palor. It was more like a meeting....shivverrrrssssss...

Dat experience still scares me...
I still dont believe in rituals thou...............

Till my next post.................

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

The one that got away... The most stupid breakup EVER!!.

During my service year (NYSC) I met dis guy.. Let's call him *Emeka..
Good looking.....
Good job....
Money in d bank....
O.K sex....
Nice house...
Let's just say he was a perfect potential husband material..
Let me see...wat bad quality did Emeka have?...mmmmm...Waking up like 5am and watching CNN in d highest volume ever & he was a few inches shorter dan I am...but his good qualities greatly overshadowed his minor not-so-good-qualities...
A friend introduced us and things were going smooth. Dis guy was well close to 40yrs old and showed all signs of settling down. He was so caring and generally treated me well. I cud sense he was looking for a wife and I responded accordingly. Going 2 his place was like being in a hotel.. Cook and Cleaner at my service.. BLISS...

Hold up...don't get carried away ....something always tends 2 spoil a lot of good and u won't even believe d stupid reason why things didn't work out.

Story story storrrrryyyyyy....

Emeka traveled one time and there was a delay in his coming back so wen we spoke one of those nights I told him how much I missed him and all dat lovey-dovey stuff..
I wanted him 2 hurry and come back so I said '' 2moro is my birthday so u have to come back and celebrate with me'' of cos it wasn't my birthday, I just missed him and wanted him 2 come quick.....

After that phone call, Emeka neva called me again and wen I called him he neva picked...I was dazed!! Almost like I was can sumthing so beautiful just fade away without an explanation??

U shud have seen how I cracked my brain analyzing, scrutinizing, rewinding and reviewing every word I said during our last conversation.
Wat cud have happened? I tried reading btwn d lines and re-reading texts and cudnt make out wat brought abt dis reaction from Emeka all in a blink of an eye.

I called and called and called and he wudnt even pick..SHIT! I didn't bother going 2 his place cos I don't do such..go 2 someone's place uninvited? so d thing dey scratch me reach? NO WAY!

Der was dis once he picked after so many days and said I shudnt call him again, I asked y and he wudnt say. Isn't dat so annoying?

My dear, dis was how dis guy ended everything just like dat and it hurts more wen u don't even know what happened or what u did. I was just clueless..

Fast forward years later and somehow somehow we got in contact again..By then he was married..very newly married, infact just a matter of months. We got chatting on BBM, one thing led 2 another and d issue of his breakup with me crept up.
This time Emeka decided 2 open up and tell me y he really called it off..

Wait 4 it guys..drum roll plsssss....................

The Negro Emeka said he called it off cos I LIED that d 'next day' of dat faithful phone call was my BIRTHDAY.........SHIT MEHN!!
I was like 'I'm sorry wat''?..
He said most girls in d city where we were den were fond of lying 2 guys abt their bdays so that guys will throw them several bday parties in a year and therefore extort money and gifts from these guys all in d name of parties..

 I was like..NIGGA wat?!!!... I cudnt believe wat i was reading...

See let me tell u something...wen I met Emeka, I was serving(NYSC) in that state and had been there  a few months for d 1st time ever in my life. I was an IJGB (I just got back) lol. I just got back in2 d country after a long stay abroad. Emeka was well aware of all these, he knew my Age, State of Origin, Residence, BIRTH DAY (which I told him a number of times). He also knew that I knew nobody in that state so where did he get d idea dat I knew dat girls der use birthdays 2 extorts money?. I mean..I thot those kind of stuffs happened 2 less privileged ppl and he was well aware dat I wasn't lacking..........idiota!
Can u imagine dis man? *rolling my eyes*

Wen I told him that I didn't even know dat was wat girls do there and that I remember telling him my birth date wen we 1st met, he said oh he thot I knew and wanted 2 play same game on him....see my life?? See d insult Emeka gave me??
Isn't it crazy??
Next thing I started typing all d insults imaginable and fired it at him. How dare he disrespect me in such a manner. I was more angry that he didn't even bother 2 explain all these to me d time I called and called and called 2 no avail..Damn! We cud have sorted it out and moved on. Communication!!
He kept on apologising but oh well.

In my mind I was thinking how we wud have been married by now with a kid or 2...but just wasn't meant 2 b.

He now has 2 very beautiful kids and guess what.. His wife is my dead-ringer.


Sunday, 4 January 2015


What I'm about 2 say is just like my 'secret Atheism-thing' and wud neva pass my lips. It will forever remain inside me.

I'm well aware dat people cheat. I have never 4 once agreed to d fact dat a person shud get married and henceforth will only have SEX with dat one partner for eva and eva...NO!

I understand it sounds like d right thing 2 do cos of vows and blah blah blah...but let's get real..why wud u want to live years and years without enjoying varieties b4 leaving dis earth?? Oh please!!... Just like I don't believe in judgement day or heaven or earth or wateva...der is no reward for abstinence abeg (neither is der 4 virginity).

I always tell guys dat one of d worst things dey can do 2 me is CHEAT...If my spouse cheats on me, I will RAKE and RAISE HELL. I might even break a Plasma TV, crush his PS, windscreen or move in2 a 5 star hotel 4 a week for added effect (enjoying d buffet ofcos) but all dat na SHOW. On d outside, I want d man 2 believe I won't take such bullshit but cheating wudnt even make my heart skip, NOT ONE BIT!. 

I wudnt walk out of a marriage just becos a guy put his dick in anoda pot ...cmonnnnn! Is it even remotely possible 2 b married 4 say 40yrs and not try other honeypots??..really??.. 

BUT if d 'dick- putting' extends 2 dat of a relative den dat I won't take 4 real but wen its a friend or colleague or whoever den 2 hell with him. This life is 2 short 4 stress abeg. 

The most important thing is dat d guy has a brain and a half 2 always protect himself during these escapades.

Wat will irk me d most is if my partner impregnates a bitch.. Oh hell nooooo.

Just like I said...dis remains with me and SHALL NOT PASS MY LIPS..imagine telling a guy I don't mind if he cheats..I'll just b shooting myself in d leg. So my lips r well sealed...

I'm not saying I will cheat or none but if it so happens dat my partner cudnt control himself and cheating happens den I'll act accordingly....

Till my next post..

Friday, 2 January 2015

Attending weddings!

HAPPY NEWYEAR guys.. May 2015 b more fruitfull than last year.

Been a Busy Bee lately and it even gets busier...a lot of changes going on at work and all dat...Anywayzzzzz...

I had abt 12 weddings to attend for d end of dis year, that's Nov-Dec 2014. Some clashed and guess how many I attended... Wait 4 it.....ONE!
Didn't even attend that of my next-door neighbor whose ceremony venue was like 2 stone throws away from my house. I just hid inside, ordered Pizza and wallowed in my own company..smh...

I buy Aso ebi oooo knowing fully well I won't attend. I was supposed to attend one last Friday & Saturday... and another high society one coming up 2moro but no attendance.
I can't really explain dis....maybe its d thought that I'll b attending all these weddings and ppl glaring at me asking me wen it'll b my turn or is it my shyness?? Can't place a finger on it..a lot of times I don't understand myself... I know dis attitude its not nice at all.

2moro's wedding is of a friend who I went 2 college with..she is amazing, she has sent my I.V and expecting me there. Can't I just lie that I was there and her mermaid gown courtsy BBM updates was just fabulous! Then she'll say ''oh how come I didn't c u'' and i'll say 'oh how would u wen u were obviously having d time of your'

I really need 2 snap out of dis, I don't like dis my attitude one bit.
At dis rate no1 wud even attend my own wedding. *sobs*...

I don't even have friends dat I wud use as bridesmaid...most r married and not in d country..anyway I never wanted a bridal train... Just a maid of honour. I'm not one 2 make fusses ...I wud like a nice quiet wedding with d bulk of money spent on my honeymoon.. at least 3 blissss....

Till my next post....