AWKWARD DATES

Iv dated quite a number of guys. Some lasting from 1 nyt, some months. Iv met a lot of characters ehhhhh chai!!. I'll tell u abt 2 of dem..

 Story story storrrrryyyyy...
A guy friend of mine thought 2 hook me up wif his friend who was looking 4 a wife. Isn't it annoying wen sum1 newly gets married and suddenly has 10000001 suitors 4 u. I call dem 'Olodos'. How come those friends weren't there 2 hook me up with wen u were single?? Rme.
 Anywayzz, I agreed 2 meet up with d guy at an eatery during my lunch break. I got der b4 he did. Let me tell u i was utterly disappointed in his appearance I made a mental note 2 give dat nonsense friend of mine a fat punch in d nose wen next we see. Guy looked like Bart Simpson with a dry chest. As d nice girl dat I beliv I am, I decided 2 c wat more der was. He asked wat I wanted 2 eat and I said salad. Oh boy...u shud hav seen d look of disgust on dis Negroid's face as if I said I wanted a bucket of fat. He replied 'u shudnt be eating dat' eyeing me at d same time as if 2 say, 'so dis whale still eats'. Imagine d fool! He ordered rice, as if rice isn't more calorific dan a freaking salad mstchewwwww!!!. I didn't even wait 4 d salad or rice 2 come b4 I made my exit. I told him I had 2 get back 2 work. He sensed dat something was wrong and started acting nice. I jejely stood up and left. He called and professed love but I just ignored. He wud constantly call 2 ask if he did something wrong during our one and only date and I wud simply say I'm not interested. How can u meet a beautiful lady 4 d 1st time and start trying 2 control wat she eats? Abegi!!.. I neva saw him again after dat. Nonsense!

 2.
So one day on my way back from work, a guy in a nice ride stopped 2 talk 2 me. I stopped cos of d ride sha. He introduced himself and he was from Sierra Leone. He asked 4 my number and begged 2 call me later.. Meanwhile dis guy was in his car during dis entire exchange. D next day, he came with a friend 2 pick me up and we went 2 a pub. Let me emphasize on d fact that i do not like going on dates, esp 1st dates and d guy comes with a friend or friends... so annoying...
 BOOOOOM!!...d shocker... Dis guy stepped out of d car 4 d first time and he was half my height with a LIMP! ..SHIT mehn!!! While in d car, I sat behind while his friend was in d passenger seat so I didn't notice his midget legs. I kind of have a phobia 4 short guys. This one was even shorter than KUNLE! I immediately felt nauseous, something stopped me in my tracks and like film trick I reached 4 my phone and pretended 2 read a text. 'Oh' I said, 'my sis just text me and said she forgot her house keys at work and needs me 2 come open d door 4 her' I also said I'll find my way back afterwards. BIG LIE! The guy sensed something was wrong and suggested 2 take me home 2 give my sis d key and drive back 2 d Pub.. I literally screamed NO! I didn't know what kind of spirit led me, I turned around and walked away. I hailed a cab and quietly went home.
After that date, I promised myself never 2 pay attention 2 a guy toasting me while seated in a car. I always ask guys 2 park well and step down if they want 2 speak 2 me o jare, no time 4 scary surprises.

Till my next post...